Post by Jonah Finn on Nov 5, 2009 13:29:28 GMT -5
Despite all of Lia and Jandro's efforts, they couldn't get Saint to leave his bed except to use the bathroom when necessary and they had decided they would call their mother in the morning if he hadn't improved. Lia had removed all the knives from her brother's room just as a precaution. They had never seen him this depressed before and though he didn't say it, they were worried deeply about him. They couldn’t get him to eat, but he had a cup of tea to take some pain medication.
Saint couldn’t see any point in bothering anymore. He didn’t have his art and it was clear, to him anyway, that he would always be alone in the dark, for no one could stand the thought of being with him for more than a fling. He stayed in his room with his arm flung around Coco and bitched at his siblings to leave him alone.
After the enlightening afternoon at Liz's house, trying to sober her up, Jonah decided he had to take the bull right on its horns. Jonah Finn was a lot of things but a coward he sure as hell was not. Sure he freaked out before but that was only because he was caught by surprise.
Part of him knew his presence was going to be futile. Saint probably wanted him dead. And Jandro. Jandro definitely would not want Jonah near his brother. And whatever allegiance he had gained with Lia, that was probably diminished too. Jonah had dug himself a very deep hole, one he was probably never going to be able to come out of. But he knew it was worth the try. He knew Saint was worth it. If Jandro pulled out his knives then so be it. He's going to take everything but not without a fight.
Bracing himself, Jonah squared his shoulders and walked up the doorway to the Juarez household and without hesitation, he knocked on the door.
Luckily it was Lia who answered the door. Jandro had gone for a walk to release his anger and frustration. She opened the door and stared at Jonah. "What did you do to my brother?!" she asked her voice full of worry. "He hasn't said a word since we got home and he was all alone! He hasn't learned how to care for himself yet. He could have hurt himself. How could you do this to him?" Her pale blue eyes blazed like moonlight on a snowy landscape.
Jonah had gone through his whole life doing everything he wanted without caring for his consequences and up til this very moment, it had been a life worth living. But the pain that was tearing through his heart as he saw how worried and angry Lia was, deservingly so, Jonah felt crummy. Worst than crummy. He felt like someone should just kick him in the dirt until he bled. It was weird but he felt like he could take the physical violence Jandro would have given out rather than see the disappointment and fear in Lia's face. He couldn't say anything. What WAS he supposed to say? There were no words that could justify his actions. Not a word.
nu: He tried to open his mouth and say something, anything, an apology, his own eulogy, SOMEthing to make it much easier but nothing came out. He could feel the back of his eyes burning painfully. Well fuck now he wanted to cry.
"I need to see him, Lia." He said after a long pause. His voice cracked under all the emotions boiling in him.
"Make this better, Jonah! If you hurt him more, I won't wait for Jandro. I will kill you myself and it will be very slow and painful," Lia promised, her fists clenching and unclenching with the nerves that were making her shake. It had been a very long and hard day for her and she knew how Saint was feeling because her heart had been ripped out earlier that day as well. She was just better equipped to deal with it. She hadn't had every thing else taken from her as well. She opened the door to let Jonah in and pointed to Saint's room.
Without thinking if Lia meant what she said, Jonah walked in, his head hung low as he trudged up to Saint's room. Every step felt heavier and heavier until he was inches away. Was Saint going to hate him? He didn't blame the other boy. If Jonah was Saint right then, he would hate himself. He sighed and raised his fists to knock on Saint's door. "Santos...it's me...Jonah."
"Voy lejos no quiero hablar, comer o tratar de cualquier con persona!" Saint yelled, barely registering it was Jonah who had spoken, when he did, his heart leaped, but he pushed it back down and didn't retract his demand. He buried his face in Coco's rough fur and tried to keep tears from falling as he had been doing all day. (Go away I do not want to talk, eat or deal with anyone)
The Spanish got to Jonah. He hadn't been to a single Spanish class since he started high school. What did it mean? It can't be anything good. The tone was angry and harsh and he could only assume the worse. Saint was probably cursing the living daylights out of Jonah. "Santos...please...I need y...I need to talk to you..." Jonah stumbled over his words. Even in this situation he could not speak truthfully. Maybe Jonah was just not cut out to be anything but a jack ass. He sure was making a fool of himself right then.
He turned around, looking for Lia to ask for her help.
Lia rolled her eyes. "He says he doesn't want to see anyone, just go in there and make him listen," she said, wishing she could push a button and make their brains start working again.
Jonah hesitated before turning the knob and pushing the door open to find Coco under Saint on the bed. She pulled her head up and growled at Jonah menacingly as though she knew he was the one at fault. Jonah closed the door quietly behind him before walking towards the bed. "Santos...I'm sorry."
"For what?" came the muffled reply from a face completely buried in caramel colored fur. To him sorry only went so far, it wasn't words that proved contrition and he wasn't going to fall for a line again. It was clear he was not relationship material, but he knew he couldn't separate his emotions enough to make it about just sex.
"I'm not a cliche, I hope you understand that. I'm not some asshole who wants to just make out with you and sleep with you and then abandon you. I'm not that kind of guy." Jonah said, almost easily. "But you have to understand...I have never...ever done anything like this. You're my first guy. You're probably going to be my only guy if I keep this up. But truth of the matter is. You freaked me out back there with the talk of forever. I don't do forever. I don't think I do tomorrow. But I was supposed to take care of you, Santos. And I want to continue doing that. And if it means I have to spend my entire life making it up to you then so be it. I don't ever want to hurt you." When Jonah was done, he was surprised at even himself.
Despite himself, Saint listened. Hope kept bashing at his heart and he kept closing the door on it. Finally he sighed and sat up. "You can come back and work... only because it will stop Lia from freaking out. I don't know about anything else. I don't feel like I can trust anymore. I know I am no prize and I should be happy with whatever I can get, but I will end up hurt more than if I just keep my heart locked away.
Jonah clenched his hands into fists as he lsitened to Saint beating himself down. How could he not see himself as anything but a prize? Jonah was lucky a guy like him would even give him a second chance. Jonah knew he was pushing it. This was his third chance. He couldn't blow this. But Saint said he could come back to work. Now Jonah was nothing but the help. And it fucking hurt. Jonah blinked back the tears threatening to pool in his eyes. He couldn't just be Saint's help. Not when he had to see him everyday, be in close distance with him yet do nothing but be his workboy. But he had to be. He wanted Saint to trust him again.
"I'll..." his voice cracked and he felt like bashing himself for showing any emotion. He cleared his throat. "I'll be your help. But don't ever see yourself as anything but a prize."
Saint smiled sardonically, knowing he was far from a prize. "Yeah I'm a prize all right. Can't do anything and I make one stupid romantic remark and send a tough guy like you screaming away like zombies were attacking. I know what I am, a cripple and no one is ever going to want to be with me. Let's not play games, they aren't fun for me at any rate. The sooner I realize my place on earth, the sooner I can go numb and unfeeling," he said, bitterness dripping with every word.
Flaring with anger, Jonah grabbed Saint and pulled him up so they were face to face. "Don't fucking talk like that, Santos. You're better than that. You're better than any normal human being who can see properly. You think I'm playing a game here?" He growled. "Don't start feeling sorry for yourself just because you can't fucking see. I see you just fine and you're about as perfect as anyone could ever be!" his last word got lost in a choke. Jonah couldn't stop himself and in an instant, he crushed his lips on Saint's, ignoring the other boy's protestations. He wanted Saint so badly.
Saint couldn't help but moan, the kiss was hard and incredibly hot. And deep down inside he wanted to believe the other boy's words. His hands feebly pushed at Jonah's shoulders, but he wasn't strong enough for the struggle. After getting shot, surgery and the lack of will to eat since the shooting, Saint was not in good shape. Finally he just wrapped his arms around Jonah's neck and kissed him back, to tired to fight what he wanted so much anyway.
Saint's reciprocation made Jonah want to shout and jump for joy and soon, he was pushing Saint down on his bed. Coco jumped off the space she was occupying and Jonah lay on top of the other boy but made sure he didn't crush him. One hand slipped under Saint's shirt, raking the skin with the tips of his fingers. The warm skin made Jonah flushed with excitement. Everything was perfect. Okay maybe not perfect but it was what he wanted and he was getting it. It was too soon to tell but when Jonah's heart skipped a beat that night, it was not because of anything physical.
Saint couldn’t see any point in bothering anymore. He didn’t have his art and it was clear, to him anyway, that he would always be alone in the dark, for no one could stand the thought of being with him for more than a fling. He stayed in his room with his arm flung around Coco and bitched at his siblings to leave him alone.
After the enlightening afternoon at Liz's house, trying to sober her up, Jonah decided he had to take the bull right on its horns. Jonah Finn was a lot of things but a coward he sure as hell was not. Sure he freaked out before but that was only because he was caught by surprise.
Part of him knew his presence was going to be futile. Saint probably wanted him dead. And Jandro. Jandro definitely would not want Jonah near his brother. And whatever allegiance he had gained with Lia, that was probably diminished too. Jonah had dug himself a very deep hole, one he was probably never going to be able to come out of. But he knew it was worth the try. He knew Saint was worth it. If Jandro pulled out his knives then so be it. He's going to take everything but not without a fight.
Bracing himself, Jonah squared his shoulders and walked up the doorway to the Juarez household and without hesitation, he knocked on the door.
Luckily it was Lia who answered the door. Jandro had gone for a walk to release his anger and frustration. She opened the door and stared at Jonah. "What did you do to my brother?!" she asked her voice full of worry. "He hasn't said a word since we got home and he was all alone! He hasn't learned how to care for himself yet. He could have hurt himself. How could you do this to him?" Her pale blue eyes blazed like moonlight on a snowy landscape.
Jonah had gone through his whole life doing everything he wanted without caring for his consequences and up til this very moment, it had been a life worth living. But the pain that was tearing through his heart as he saw how worried and angry Lia was, deservingly so, Jonah felt crummy. Worst than crummy. He felt like someone should just kick him in the dirt until he bled. It was weird but he felt like he could take the physical violence Jandro would have given out rather than see the disappointment and fear in Lia's face. He couldn't say anything. What WAS he supposed to say? There were no words that could justify his actions. Not a word.
nu: He tried to open his mouth and say something, anything, an apology, his own eulogy, SOMEthing to make it much easier but nothing came out. He could feel the back of his eyes burning painfully. Well fuck now he wanted to cry.
"I need to see him, Lia." He said after a long pause. His voice cracked under all the emotions boiling in him.
"Make this better, Jonah! If you hurt him more, I won't wait for Jandro. I will kill you myself and it will be very slow and painful," Lia promised, her fists clenching and unclenching with the nerves that were making her shake. It had been a very long and hard day for her and she knew how Saint was feeling because her heart had been ripped out earlier that day as well. She was just better equipped to deal with it. She hadn't had every thing else taken from her as well. She opened the door to let Jonah in and pointed to Saint's room.
Without thinking if Lia meant what she said, Jonah walked in, his head hung low as he trudged up to Saint's room. Every step felt heavier and heavier until he was inches away. Was Saint going to hate him? He didn't blame the other boy. If Jonah was Saint right then, he would hate himself. He sighed and raised his fists to knock on Saint's door. "Santos...it's me...Jonah."
"Voy lejos no quiero hablar, comer o tratar de cualquier con persona!" Saint yelled, barely registering it was Jonah who had spoken, when he did, his heart leaped, but he pushed it back down and didn't retract his demand. He buried his face in Coco's rough fur and tried to keep tears from falling as he had been doing all day. (Go away I do not want to talk, eat or deal with anyone)
The Spanish got to Jonah. He hadn't been to a single Spanish class since he started high school. What did it mean? It can't be anything good. The tone was angry and harsh and he could only assume the worse. Saint was probably cursing the living daylights out of Jonah. "Santos...please...I need y...I need to talk to you..." Jonah stumbled over his words. Even in this situation he could not speak truthfully. Maybe Jonah was just not cut out to be anything but a jack ass. He sure was making a fool of himself right then.
He turned around, looking for Lia to ask for her help.
Lia rolled her eyes. "He says he doesn't want to see anyone, just go in there and make him listen," she said, wishing she could push a button and make their brains start working again.
Jonah hesitated before turning the knob and pushing the door open to find Coco under Saint on the bed. She pulled her head up and growled at Jonah menacingly as though she knew he was the one at fault. Jonah closed the door quietly behind him before walking towards the bed. "Santos...I'm sorry."
"For what?" came the muffled reply from a face completely buried in caramel colored fur. To him sorry only went so far, it wasn't words that proved contrition and he wasn't going to fall for a line again. It was clear he was not relationship material, but he knew he couldn't separate his emotions enough to make it about just sex.
"I'm not a cliche, I hope you understand that. I'm not some asshole who wants to just make out with you and sleep with you and then abandon you. I'm not that kind of guy." Jonah said, almost easily. "But you have to understand...I have never...ever done anything like this. You're my first guy. You're probably going to be my only guy if I keep this up. But truth of the matter is. You freaked me out back there with the talk of forever. I don't do forever. I don't think I do tomorrow. But I was supposed to take care of you, Santos. And I want to continue doing that. And if it means I have to spend my entire life making it up to you then so be it. I don't ever want to hurt you." When Jonah was done, he was surprised at even himself.
Despite himself, Saint listened. Hope kept bashing at his heart and he kept closing the door on it. Finally he sighed and sat up. "You can come back and work... only because it will stop Lia from freaking out. I don't know about anything else. I don't feel like I can trust anymore. I know I am no prize and I should be happy with whatever I can get, but I will end up hurt more than if I just keep my heart locked away.
Jonah clenched his hands into fists as he lsitened to Saint beating himself down. How could he not see himself as anything but a prize? Jonah was lucky a guy like him would even give him a second chance. Jonah knew he was pushing it. This was his third chance. He couldn't blow this. But Saint said he could come back to work. Now Jonah was nothing but the help. And it fucking hurt. Jonah blinked back the tears threatening to pool in his eyes. He couldn't just be Saint's help. Not when he had to see him everyday, be in close distance with him yet do nothing but be his workboy. But he had to be. He wanted Saint to trust him again.
"I'll..." his voice cracked and he felt like bashing himself for showing any emotion. He cleared his throat. "I'll be your help. But don't ever see yourself as anything but a prize."
Saint smiled sardonically, knowing he was far from a prize. "Yeah I'm a prize all right. Can't do anything and I make one stupid romantic remark and send a tough guy like you screaming away like zombies were attacking. I know what I am, a cripple and no one is ever going to want to be with me. Let's not play games, they aren't fun for me at any rate. The sooner I realize my place on earth, the sooner I can go numb and unfeeling," he said, bitterness dripping with every word.
Flaring with anger, Jonah grabbed Saint and pulled him up so they were face to face. "Don't fucking talk like that, Santos. You're better than that. You're better than any normal human being who can see properly. You think I'm playing a game here?" He growled. "Don't start feeling sorry for yourself just because you can't fucking see. I see you just fine and you're about as perfect as anyone could ever be!" his last word got lost in a choke. Jonah couldn't stop himself and in an instant, he crushed his lips on Saint's, ignoring the other boy's protestations. He wanted Saint so badly.
Saint couldn't help but moan, the kiss was hard and incredibly hot. And deep down inside he wanted to believe the other boy's words. His hands feebly pushed at Jonah's shoulders, but he wasn't strong enough for the struggle. After getting shot, surgery and the lack of will to eat since the shooting, Saint was not in good shape. Finally he just wrapped his arms around Jonah's neck and kissed him back, to tired to fight what he wanted so much anyway.
Saint's reciprocation made Jonah want to shout and jump for joy and soon, he was pushing Saint down on his bed. Coco jumped off the space she was occupying and Jonah lay on top of the other boy but made sure he didn't crush him. One hand slipped under Saint's shirt, raking the skin with the tips of his fingers. The warm skin made Jonah flushed with excitement. Everything was perfect. Okay maybe not perfect but it was what he wanted and he was getting it. It was too soon to tell but when Jonah's heart skipped a beat that night, it was not because of anything physical.