Critical Conditions: Otep tag Jem

[otep2point0]

Lisa paced the waiting room, biting her nails. Her only daughter had gotten shot this afternoon. A school shooting... SCHOOL! She wondered how on EARTH that could have happened!? She picked up her daughter's cell phone which she had retrieved from the doctors and found Jem's number and hit SEND waiting for her to pick up the phone. Tears were streaming down her face.

Jem of course had head of the shooting. She wasn't in that part of the school when it happened. So, she didn't know all the details. She didn't know who all had been involved. She had tried to call Otep, but had gotten no answer. That gave her a sinking feeling in her gut. She sat in her car. Hoping to get a call and when her phone rinally rang she picked it up. "Otep? Is that you? Oh please..be you.."

Lisa took a breath. "Jem." she mustered. She couldn't really say more than that as tears took over and the sobbing started.

That wasn't Otep's voice. Jem looked at her phone again. Wanting to see if she had seen the right number. That was Otep's number. But that was Lisa's voice, and she sounded upset. Jem put her hand over her mouth. This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all. This wasn't happening.

"Jem..." she tried again. "Otep's been... there's... you need to come to the hospital. My daughter.. your... your fiancee... she's." she sobbed. A nurse saw Lisa in her little dilema and took the phone gently. She looked at who Lisa had called but all she saw was MINE on the caller ID. Lisa looked up at her with wet doe eyes. "Jemima." she whispered. "Jemima?" the nurse asked into the phone.

Jem was already starting her car. She had slipped out of the chaos and made it to her car. She didn't know if she wanted to hear what Lisa was saying or trying to say. She didn't want to believe it. She heard someone else come on the line...who was that? "Yes...I'm.Jemima. I'm here..I'm..on my way there."

"Jemima... before you get here. Otep is in pretty critical condition. She's lost a lot of blood. She's lucky her friend called when he did." said the nurse. "Otherwise it would have been too late." Otep was in the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital... still out cold. Lisa had been there for a little while now. There would be no talking to Otep until she was awake. She barely wanted to go into the room for the fear that she would just break down and cry. "She's in the ICU. She was shot about 3 times. Left arm. Left shoulder and... right near her chest. She's lucky she wasn't killed." she said shaking her head. The nurses from the school had kept Otep at bay, the bleeding under control. Pressure. Lisa cried when the nurse reiterated the condition of Otep.

Jem was already on the road. She was fighting hard to hold bak her own tears. How could this be happening? Why was thsi happening? She listened to the nurse go into detail about Otep's condition and she couldn't speak. She just...listened. Numbly.

"Please be careful coming here. We don't need to clear a bed next to her for you, too." said the nurse as she hung up with Jem. Lisa had by then collapsed on the nearest chair. What the hell was she going to do? "Mrs. Shamaya. Otep will make it through this. She seems to be a fighter." she smiled a little. "She's doing great. The doctor performed a blood transfusion and removed all bullets from her body. She is responding well to treatment." she told Lisa gently.

L.A traffic sucked. Considering the events of the day it was even worse. Jem took every short cut she knew of to try and get to the hospital faster. But it seemed to be taking an eternity to get there. She was gripping the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles were turning white. But after...driving for an eternity she had reached the hospital. Finding a place to park..she ran in. Finding the ICU floor and running around looking..for Lisa...for someone.

Lisa was in the waiting room calming down with a cup of coffee. Her hands were trembling. She could barely hold the cup. She looked up to see Jem and forced a smile. "Hey." she said weakly.

Jem ran into the waiting area. She froze when she saw Lisa. That wasn't the woman she knew to be Lisa. She looked so weary, so tired. That made her heart sink further and ache more. "Hey.." she whispered back.

Lisa held her hand out for Jem. "Come here." she whispered to her soon-to-be daughter-in-law.

Jem was fighting so hard not to break down. She was trying to be strong, to be tough and brave. She took a few steps closer and took Lisa's hand and then sat down in the empty chair next to her.

Lisa hugged Jem. Not being able to contain herself. She cried on Jem's shoulder. "Otep is... she's a fighter. The nurse said she's gonna make it." she whispered crying.

Jem hugged Lisa. Holding tightly onto her. This was making it so hard for her to reamin to strong and not break down. "Yeah..she's a fighter.." she whispered. "Have..you..seen her?"

Lisa shook her head. "I've not been allowed to yet. She'd only beenin ICU for a little while." she said. "She just got out of the OR." she said crying lightly. Taking breaths between sobs. "We can see her in a few minutes." she whispered.

Jem nodded, still holding onto Lisa. She wasn't sure she could go in there and see her. But she had to let her know that she was here. She was here for her. She wasn't going anywhere.

Lisa cried at the mere thought of her own daughter being in the ICU. She thought sure Otep could get hurt in the prodfession she was in. You never know right? That's how Selena died. But at school!? "How could this happen to my little girl?" she sobbed.

Jem hugged Lisa and shook her head. "I...don't...know. People..are...mean. They're cruel. They're..heartless." she frowned.

"I want to know what happened? How she was even in the position to get shot?" she asked shaking her head.

"I...don't know...I wasn't with her." Jem frowned. "I should have been with her. I don't know..why I wasn't." She felt the tears starting but she managed to push them back. "If I had..been with her may be this wouldn't have happened..." Or may be it would have been her instead. May be it should have been her and not Otep.

Otep was in ICU at this point. Sleeping. Slipping in and out of the world at this point. Her life was there. She was going to live. But at this point. She was just fighting to hold on and not slip into a coma. The nurses in the room noticed the will in Otep. And admired it. She slipped into a dreamlike state. Her mind slipping into what seemed to be just a flashback of what happened. She was talking with a few of her girl friends and a couple of guys from the football team who were busily complimenting her new look. Yeah she changed. She was wearing a pair of pink plaid skinny jeans with a pink and black Motley Crue shirt and a pair of black stilettos. Yeah she was the center of attention. So what? Then he came. Some guy pointing a gun in their general direction a bullet flew but hit one of her guy friends in the arm. Nothing big. Then another flew and she jumped in front of her friend, Kylie, and took one of the hits in her arm, Then another flew blindly hitting her in the shoulder. Then another came out of nowhere from another gunman. Hitting her collarbone area almost in her chest. She flew in and out of consciousness. She barely recalled the nurses of the school taking care of her but she knew she did. She then heard another gunshots and her eyes shot open in the bed. She looked around. Where was she? Hospital. Ok. "mmm." she groaned painfully looking around. "Otep... we've got guests for you in the waiting room. Are you up for it?" a nurse asked her. Guests? She thought immediately to Jem. "Yes." she whispered. The nurses came out to get Jem and Lisa. "Mrs. Shamaya?"

Jem just...sat with Lisa. Holding everything inside. Just waiting for the *ok* from the doctor or the nurses before they went back to see Otep. Thsi was probably one of the hardest things she had ever had to do or go through. It was ranked right up with telling her parents about her and Otep. This might actually top that as the hardest thing she had gone through. She couldn't lose Otep. Otep was her life. She meant everything to her. "I"m..sorry Lisa.." she whispered. "If...I had only..been there...she might not even had been in that spot at that time."

Lisa looked at her and shook her head. "Don't you dare blame yourself for this. This was not your fault at all. You have no idea what would have happened if you were there. Esecially if it was you the gun was aimed at." she said looking at Jem. "Otep would have died for you, Jemima. She would have put her life on the line to save you if you were in that position. If things were different. If you'd have been there. Otep would be dead." she said looking into Jem's eyes. "So, I'm thankful, in fact, that you weren't there." she told her. "Not only for your sake but for my daughter's life." she told her completely unaware of the whole story but completely aware of Otep's love for Jem. She would have taken a bullet straight in the heart for Jem if it had been her that needed saving instead of her friends. Otep, in fact, took bullets for her friends but none of them were worth really losing her life for... but Jem... Jem was her life. And if it was between her and Jem she would have chosen to be the one. Sort of a tragic love story if you think about it. When the nurse came out she called Lisa's name. Lisa stood, breaking eye contact with Jem. "Yes?" she asked her as she stood. "Your daughter is... remarkable." the nurse said. "She's awake. Alertness is in and out but she's awake. She said she would like to see you." the nurse told Lisa. Lisa took Jem's hand. "Come on, sweetie." she smiled weakly as she patted Jem's hand gently. "I'm sorry but family only." the nurse said. "Until tomorrow." she finished. Lisa shook her head. "No... she is family." Lisa said. "I'm sorry Miss Shamaya but I cannot let her go though." the nurse said. "I'm sorry. You must have misunderstood me. Jemima Norwoods is my soon-to-be daughter-in-law and if you do not let her through to see her own damn fiancee I will be raising hell. And this is no threat." Lisa threatened the nurse. The nurse looked back at the other nurse that ha accompanied her out. This nurse was the nurse that spoke with Jemima on the phone. "Let her through, Holly. You know you would want your fiancee in the room after something like this happened." she said. Holly just nodded and looked to Lisa and Jem. "Ok... then right this way." she said leading them through the ICU and to the recovery part of ICU, taking them directly to Otep's door. She opened it slowly, knocking on it, hoping not to have woke Otep again if she had fallen back asleep. "Otep? Your visitors are here." said the nurse with a smile. Otep looked toward the door inwardly and outwardly hoping it would be either Jemima or her mother and was thoroughly surprised to see the two of them standing by the door. "What are you guys waiting for? You seem to look like you're mourning a death. No such luck, ladies... Otep Shamaya is alive and kickin." she smiled.

[otep2point0]

Jem held onto Lisa's hand. She didn't really like hospitals or any thing relating to them. She didn't really handle traumatic events as well as she would like pretend that she did. She was a trembling mess on the inside. She was pretty sure Lisa could probably feel her hand shaking as they headed into the ICU area and to Otep's room. Could she do this? Was she strong enough to go there? She took in a shaky breath and let it out as they reached the rooom. She sort of stood behind Lisa trying to pull herself together.

The nurse led Jem and Lisa into the room and looked over to Otep. "Grace said you wouldn't mind seeing her, too. she said pointing over to Jem. Otep's heart jumped almost into her throat. It was like this whole wave of relief thing that was just haunting her. "Jem." she whispered. She held her arms out, just wanting to hold her. "Miss Shamaya." Holly stated but Otep shot her a look and she shut her mouth. "Baby." she smiled gently.

Jemima stepped tentatively out from behind the safey and security of Lisa. She was still holding everything back. Her tears and all those emotions. She was trying despearately to be strong and tough. She walked over to the side of Otep's bed.

Otep moved over a little and smiled at her. "Cone here." she smiled at her.

Jem sat down on the side of the bed. Careful not to mess with any of the IV's or other tubs that were going into Otep. She could still feel her heart racing. Her hands shaking. Otep was right there in front of her and speaking to her. Yet, it was like she coudln't really believe it.

Otep placed her hand gently on Jem's lap. "I love you." she whispered.

Jem put her own hand over Otep's. She looked up at her face. "I love...you too." she whispered.

Otep smiled at her. "Hey... you're shaking." she said quietly.

"It's...nothing...it'll go away." she said softly and tried just shrugging it off.

Otep lifted a brow. "Are you cold?" she asked her. "I could get the nurses to bring you a blanket." she said knowing full well why Jem was shaking she just wasn't going to call her out on it.

"No, I'm fine. I swear. It's nothing..."

Otep nodded. "Ok..." she said. Lisa moved toward the side of the bed and Otep looked up and smile. "Hey ma." she said weakly. She was drugged up and it was obvious. But it wasn't because Otep took drugs. It was the surgery and the pain meds. "Hey." Lisa said trying to hold back her tears, failing miserably. "Mom don't cry. I'm ok. Look... still alive." she smiled. Lisa couldn't help but cry. She ran out of the room telling Otep she would be right back. She needed to walk. To clear her head. She had to get coffee or something. Otep looked at Jem. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, you're mom...is just a worried mom. Faced...with what I assume to be one of a mother's worst nightmares...losing their child."

Otep looked at her and then looked down. "But... I'm still here." she whispered. She couldn't help but let a tear fall from her eyes.

"Yes you are...but I'm sure your mom's still worried." she shrugged. "But..I'm just making guesses here."

Otep looked over at Jem. "I'm sorry..." she said. She knew Jem wouldn't quite understand why she was apologizing right now but she thought she would get the gist of it.

"Don't.apologize." she said softly. "You..gave us all a scare, but you're ok. That's what matters. Right?"

Otep nodded gently. "I know but... I just... I feel like what if I wasn't here? What if I didn't make it?" she asked. It was running through her head. Would everything be fine or...?

"Let's..not think..about *what if's*. Because you ARE here."

Otep looked into Jem's eyes. They told her everything even if Jem wouldn't speak it. "I'm sorry I scared you." she whispered. "I... I was protecting my friends and... I..." she shook her head. "I was trying to get them out of the way..."

Jem nodded, "I know...I would not have expected you to do anything less." she whispered. Though sometimes she would like her to think a little more of herself. But may be she was being selfish.

Otep looked at her. "Where were you?" she asked her. She remembered little but... she did remember that she was waiting for Jem to meet her for lunch when shit hit the fan.

Jem looked away. She couldn't look at her. "I..was..running late." she muttered.

Otep put her hand gently under Jem's chin to lift her gaze to meet her own. "You don't blame yourself for this... do you?" she asked her. Sorrow in her eyes.

"You're not the only one with her own *what if" questions." she admitted. "What if I had been early? You probably wouldn't have been there still...what if I hadn't..been running late...because..well I have no excuse. I was just..late."

Otep shook her head and pulled Jem into a passionate kiss. One that she knew didn't need words after... one that would tell her none of this was her fault. But the words came anyway just in case emotions blurred Jem's Otep Reading skills. "Baby... None of this was your fault. NONE." she said. "What if you had been there and YOU were the one that got shot? Do you think I would be able to live with myself?" she asked her. "I'm glad you weren't there." she told her. "I'm glad you weren't the one I was pushing away from a bullet." she told her truthfully. "It would mean more than life to me if it were you." she told her.

Jem told herself it wasn't her fault and that there was nothing she could have done. But when you are in that kind of situation it is still hard not feel guilt and feel like there might have been something you could have done. "I know...my head tells me I know that's true. But.." she trailed off.

Otep put her finger tip gently over Jem's heart. "This is what counts... you need to convince this that it wasn't your fault. At all. If... if you were there... I would be dead." she told her.

Oh yeah that was a much more pleasant thought. Jemima shook her head. "That doesn't..really help." she rolled her eyes a little. "But..I get what you are trying to say."

Otep gave an awkward smile. "You know I don't really know how to speak when in times like this... I kind of forget the whole english dictionary and all reasoning." she smiled this time a little less awkwardly. She pushed a stray strand of hair out of Jem's face. "But it wasn't your fault at all... if anything... you're my hero." she told her.

"Hero?" she looked at Otep. "What kind of drugs do they have you on? They must be good ones..." she laughed. "I'm..not a hero. As much as I want to pretend I am..no wait..that's a diva not a hero."

Otep looked at her and shook her head. "No. You're my hero." she told her. "You're here. You're beside me. And, above all else, that just makes it all better. It makes me wanna just walk out of here today." she said and smiled. "Even though I know that isn't gonna happen. Superman can't even walk... so... Super Otep isn't gonna today." she smiled.

"Good...because you are not going to leave here until the doctor's gives you a clean bill of health." she said matter-of-factly. "This..is where you need to be for now. No matter how much either of us would rather you be at home."

Otep frowned a little. "And don't we just wish that would be today." she said looking down.

"Yes, we do....but you had a tramatic day....so, we have to accept that it won't be today, it might be tomorrow...and it might not."

Otep looked into Jem's eyes. "Stay with me?" she asked - blurted, rather. She knew she couldn't but she wanted her to.

"I'll stay as long as they'll let me." she knew that might not be for long. They had kind of strict rules on visiting in ICU. "But I'll be back as soon as I can."

Otep smiled gently at her. Her eyes just full of love. Jem was her everything. And she always would be. "And who will take care of our house??" she asked her. "Our puppies?" she asked. Our... everything was 'our' or 'ours'... nothing was 'mine' or 'me', she knew.

"Don't...worry. You're mom will be there. I can..stop by and help out. Make sure the pups are fine. Fed, watered, loved, walked, all that stuff."

Otep nodded slowly. She was starting to nod off but caught herself. She would not let herself sleep in Jem's presence.

"So don't you worry about a thing, other than getting yourself well and getting out of this place." she whispered and stroked her cheek lightly. "You can start by getting some rest."

Otep's eyes closed but they popped open the moment Jem said that. "No... no... I can't." she whispered. "If I do... then I'll wake up and... you won't be here."

"You need to rest, and if I'm not here...I will be back, I promise."

Otep closed her eyes but not without a few tears falling from them first. She felt so vulnerable... so... weak.

Jemima brushed the tears away and leaned down kissing her forhead. "Get some rest..and I'll be back..soon." she needed to go...get some kind of Get Well Soon something. Balloons, stuffed animal. Something.

Otep ler her eyes close as she felt her kiss her forehead. "I love you." she whispered before completely drifting off.

Jemima smiled a little, whispering *I love you* back, before she stood up. To let Otep get some rest and she maybe went to check out the gift shop. If there wasn't anything there she'd have to go somewhere else.

Otep slept. While she slept she had a series of dreams. All of them were about life. About Jem. She couldn't wait to live her life with her. She wished Jem's 18th birthday. When she woke up the room was pretty dark. She couldn't see anything. "Jem?" she called out into the unforgiving darkness.

Jem wasn't back yet. She had ran in some problems. Well not so much problems. Just some bumps in the road that kept her from getting back to the hospital as quickly as she had hoped too.

Otep didn't hear a responde from Jem but from a much more familiar voice. One she'd known for all 19years of her life. Her mother's. "Jem's still out... she had to get a few things." Lisa said gently. "Don't worry. She'll be back." she told her. "Mom." Otep confirmed with a soft smile. Lisa went and turned the light on. Otep winced at that. Her drugs had worn off and her shoulder and chest were in a good amount of pain but she just pushed through it. "Are you ok?" Lisa asked. "I'm alive." Otep said gently.

Jem had been all over the city looking for the right gift. She finally decided on something cheesy. She found a cute little stuffed Scottish Terrier that had a recordable message thing. She could make her own voice message and when Otep pressed the button on his paw she would hear the message. She had recorded, "Forever and always in my heart....get well soon." Yeah it was really cheesy. But she had also gotten some balloons, she had gotten Otep some new notebooks for her poetry and some sketch pads and colored pencisl. Finally arriving back at the hospital, she had found a place to park, and was now trying to lug all this stuff up to the ICU floor.

Lisa heard a bump at the door and went to open it. She saw Jem there with all of the stuff she'd gotten for Otep. Lisa smiled at that and then helped Jem with all of the things. Otep's eyes were closed at that point. She felt the other person in the room and opened her eyes. "Jem?" she asked before looking over.

Jem smiled in appreciate at lisa as she came over and lent her a hand. She looked over at Otep's bed. "It's me.." she whispered. "I cam bearing gifts."

Otep smiled and sat up gently. "Hey you." she said as she looked over. "Gifts?" she asked her. "For what?" she asked lifting a brow with a sly smile.

"Hey..yes, gifts. For what?" she looked back at Otep and shrugged. "What I can't bring you gifts without an alterior motive?"

Otep laughed a little and shook her head. "No no you can." she smiled. "Though you being here is gift enough."

Jem rolled her eyes at her last comment. She put the flowers on the nightstand tyep talbe by the bed. "There's balloons..." she said , "and then all this.." she sat the rest of the gifts on the bed next to Otep.

Otep grinned at her. "Baby come here." she smiled as she pulled her over to her. "Thank you for all of this." she smiled.

Jem sat on the side of the bed, smiling softly at Otep. "You're welcome..it wasn't much."

"It means everything." Otep told her. "And I mean that."

"I know you do." she said softly.

Otep kissed her gently. Lisa smiled. She had never seen Otep so happy... or come to think of it with the same girl for more than 24 hours. Not before she met Jem, anyway. Otep had changed completely then. A 180 if you will.

She returned the soft kiss and sat back a bit. They had both done alot of changing and growing. They had come a long way.

Otep looked over ather mother and smiled. "I'm gonna go home, for a while... you're going to be here for a while, Jem?" Lisa asked. She didn't want to leave her alone not even for a minute.

Jem looked back over her shoulder at Lisa and nodded. "Yeah, I'll be here for awhile."

Lisa nodded and kissed Otep's forehead and then Jem's. "Call me when you're leaving." she told her and then walked off to go home. She knew Otep wanted her there but she knew she wanted Jem there, more, and she didn't mind that. Otep watched her mother walk away. "Ok so I'm planning my jail break." she joked a little as she took Jem's hand into hers.

[otep2point0]

"Planning your jail break? I don't think so..." Jem gave her her best sterm look. "I would much rather have you at home...but not until I knwo for sure that it's ok, and safe for you to be at home. So, you're stuck here..for a bit longer."

Otep frowned a little. "But baaaaabbbbbbeeeee." she mock-whined. She knew she was stuck here for a while and she was kind of ok with that. "But I think I am going to go clinically insane if I have to stay here for a long time." she said.

Jem rolled her eyes. "Not likely to happen....whatever. You won't be here that long. You look like you're doing good to me. May be just another day or so."

Otep smiled and laced their fingers together. "I'm doing well because you are here keeping me well." she told her with a smile.

Jem gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "I can't take all the credit. You're pretty tough broad." she teased.

Otep laughed a little. "I guess." she smiled. She put her free hand over her bandages. She felt twinges of pain. "Ugh this is... fucking terrible." she hissed.

"Well what did you expect getting shot to feel like?"

Otep chuckled a little. "No... I definitely mean the pain. Now that I can feel it." she said through labored breathing.

"How often can have you meds? May be you..should call a nurse in and get something for the pain."

Otep took a breath in. She wasn't so sure she wanted meds... she didn't want to be drugged up while Jem was there. She felt like she wouldn't be able to give her all of her. Just the tiny part that would be conscious.

Jem didn't want to see her be in unnecessary pain. "I don't want you to be in pain. May be they give you something mild to take the edge off."

Otep took a breath and winced. "But..." she whispered.

"You're hurting. You shouldn't be hurting if you can do something for it. If they give you something mild..you'll still be somewhat coherent."

Otep looked at Jem. She was a stubborn one. Part of the reason why she loved her. She finally just gave in and nodded. "Ok." she whispered and pressed the nurse call button.

Jem smiled with some triumph. They could both be stubborn. They each won and lost the battle of wills. They kind of balanced each other out that way. 'Good."

Otep kissed Jem's hand gently and tried to supress any of the pain that shot through her with every movement she made. The nurse came in. "You called, Miss Shamaya?" she asked. Otep nodded. "I need something... a little.... for the pain." she said. She sounded like yoda but in the end she got her point across. The nurse nodded and went to go get her some pain meds.

"Now see that wasn't so bad.' Jem laughed. "It'll be much better than being in pain."

Otep looked up at Jem and smiled a little, the pain etched across her face.

"You'll think me for this later."

Otep groaned and leaned her head back. "Yeah I think I will."

"I know you will." she smirked.

Otep smiled. "I love your stubborn-ness." she whispered.

"Yeah, yeah, I know you do." she laughed. "As much as I love yours."

With that, the nurse came inside the room and Otep gave a weak smile. She gave Otep her meds and looked to Jem. "How long has she been dealing with the pain?" she asked. "Without calling for more medication?"

"I don't think...it's been all that long, but it's hard to tell with her sometimes. She has pretty high pain threshold."

The nurse looked at Otep. "You feel any more pain you call me." she told her and then walked off, throwing the platic cup away that Otep used to take the medication. Otep took a breath, wincing at that pain, but it would soon wear off.

Jem had to hold back a laugh. She didn't see Otep telling them of more pain with out being forced too like she had now. But if they wanted to think she would, she would let them h ave thier little fantsay.

Otep looked over at Jem. "I wanna get the hell out of here." she whispered.

"I know , I know, you've made that point rather clear, but there's nothing I can do about it."

Otep sighed a little, her body calming slowly. She looked into her fiancee's eyes. "Thank you for being here for me." she said weakly.

"You're welcome.." she said softly. "There isn't anywhere else I would have wanted to be."

Otep smiled gently. She reached up wither her free hand and caressed Jem's cheek gently. She couldn't help but just want to be out of here and in the comfort of her own home to just be able to hold Jem in her arms and never let go.

Jem put her hand up on Otep's and turned her head slightly and kissed her palm. She would be home soon. Very soon, Jem knew it. She wouldn't be her forever.

Otep sighed a little as Jem kissed her palm. She loved when she did that. It seemed to just calm her. Looking at her seemed to just calm her but that... that she liked to feel

"You should get more rest." she whispered. "This time...I won't leave. I promise."

Otep smiled at her. "Thank you." she smiled as she let her eyes slowly fall as if they were floating down. She was in her happy place right now, her fiancee by her side.

Jem sat there as she drifted off. She stayed right there. Teh only time she moved was to sit in the chair by the bed. But she never left the room.

Otep fell into a deep sleep, the kind of sleep where dreams happen. She dreamt of the shooting. She saw the shooter's face right before the shot hit her in the chest. She woke up in a cold sweat, her eyes jolting open and her breath heavy and labored. She screamed as she awoke. Her heart rate monitor was going just as fast as she knew her heart was going. A nightmare. God was this going to haunt her forever? "Jem!" was what she screamed.

Jem jumped being jolted out of her own sleep. "Whoa..Otep..I'm right here..." she jumped up and moved back over to her bed. "I'm..right here."

Otep felt Jem come to her bed and she calmed slowly, the heart monitor rate beeping loudly. The nurses came busting through the door. "No... no." Otep mustered. "No... I'm... I'm ok." she whispered. "It was just a nightmare." she confirmed. "Just a nightmare." she repeated.

Jemima's own heart was racing at this point. Could she really handle this? Could she help...Otep get thorugh this. Get through the nightmares and the recover process.

Otep looked into Jem's eyes. She could see the worry. The self-questioning. "Babe..." she looked at her as the nurses walked off. "Jem..." she furrowed her brow with concern.

Jem shook her head. "Yeah..?" she whispered. "You...doing ok.now?"

Otep nodded. "I'm more worried about you." she said as her breath was slowing down to normal pace along with her heart.

"I"m fine...just a little startled and worried..about you is all."

Otep looked at her. "I'll be fine." she whispered. "You know me, baby."

"Yeah..I know you." she whispered.

Otep looked up at her. "Babe... you don't seem to believe that." she said gently.

"I do..I just...don't know if you'll be as ok as quickly as you think..you will be."

Otep looked at her. "I'm a fighter, Jem." she told her. "I've proven that since the day I was born." she reminded her of her fight to even live as a baby.

"I know you are...I do. but this was a pretty tramatic event..and I"m still worried about you. "

Otep nodded. "I understand that." she told her gently. "I'll get through this. And so will you." she told her. She knew full well that Jem was questioning her own will.

[otep2point0]

Jem forced a small smile. She could get through this. She had already proven to herself that she was stronger than she realized, and that she could get thorugh some pretty difficult situations. She would get through this one, and she would help get Otep through it as well.

Otep smiled at her and caressed her cheek gently. "We can do it together." she told her.

Jem nodded, she believed Otep. But this was just the sort of thing that could really break even the strongest of relationships, and they were so young. That despite having faith in their relationship Jem still had some concerns. But she didn't want her concerns to make Otep start questions her or how she felt.

Otep saw some disbelief in Jem's eyes and faltered a little but still kept high hopes for them. She wanted Jem to be with her for the long run and hoped this didn't ruin anything between them. "Jem?" she asked, a twinge of fear in her voice and eyes.

"Don't worry...." she whispered. "I'm not...going anywhere." she tried to assure her. Hating that Otep could read her so well. It was hard to keep anything from her.

Otep nodded hesitantly. She felt so vulnerable and... needy. She felt like she was pushing Jem away.

She wasn't pushing her away. Jem was just..perhaps showing her age a bit. Showing that she was still young with some growing up to do. But she ahd no intentions of leaving Otep. Not now...not ever. She would feel better once Otep was out of here, and they could begin the process of getting back to a normal life.

Otep kept quiet for a moment and looked down at her own trembling hands, still unnerved from the nightmare. She wondered when the nightmares would stop. When things would be better for her. "I... I don't want to put you through this if you don't want to go through it with me. If..." she paused, tears welling in her eyes. "...if you need time..." she paused as the tears fell, trickling down her cheeks like little peaceful rivers. But Otep was anything but peaceful right now. If anything she was raging and... even dying inside.

Jem shook her head. "No, I don't need time." she whispered. "Life..isn't always easy. If I run...every time things get...a little hard or a little complicated. What kind of person am I going to be?" she reached up brushing away those tears. "i'm not...sure I know how to help you...get through this. But..I'm sure as hell not going to leave you to do it alone."

Otep couldn't say she wasn't overjoyed to hear her say that. She sort of showed it as she let out a sigh of relief and looked into Jem's eyes. "I don't want to run from our problems ever." she said. "I did it once and I don't ever want to return to that." she told her.

"Me neither...." she said softly.

Otep pulled Jem into a hug no matter how much it hurt. She visibly stiffened and even winced at the pain but didn't care, she pushed through it. Jem was worth more than that of Otep's pain, to her.

Jem hugged her back, but nto as tightly. She didn't want to cause any more pain than she was already in.

Otep let her go slowly. "I'm sorry I'm putting you through this." she whispered.

"Don't apologize. It wasn't your fault. You didn't..do this on purpose. It happened. It sucks that it happened, I wish it hadn't. But...you didn't ask for it to happen..it just..did."

Otep nodded gently. She wished sometimes she just wasn't the hero in any situation. Then she wouldn't be here in this position. She looked over at the door and at the nurses that seemed to be closely monitoring Otep through the window. "I feel like some lab rat... they're studying me like I might do some trick." she said, she was getting testy now. Maybe it was the drugs or maybe it was just the fact that she didn't want to be in here any longer.

"Well it is ICU. They need to closely monitor the people who are in here...." she shrugged. "They're probably trying to figure out a nice way of asking me to leave."

"They can suck on it if they think I'm letting you leave here." Otep said getting ansy. She sort of even had to pee and there was no way she was using a bed pan. Otep looked over at the little metal thing and sort of scoffed. Ok her inner rockstar was coming out. "Don't mean to sound like Metal Diva or anything but I reeeeaaaaalllly gotta pee and there ain't a chance in hell I'll be peeing in THAT." she said.

"well...I"m not going anywhere. They'll have to drag me out of here." She looked at Otep. Ok, she wasn't sure what to do about that. "Umm...ok....uhh..." she bit her lip and looked around.

Otep had to pee and she wasn't taking 'No, you cannot go to the actual BATHROOM' for an answer. She pressed the nurse call again and immediately one of them was in the room. "Wow." she muttered. "Yes, Miss Shamaya?" the nurse asked. "I have to go to the bathroom." Otep said. "Problem is... I'm hooked up to all these little annoying IVs..." she said testily. "I cannot unhook those without doctor's permission. You have to use the bedpan." the nurse said politely. "Ok.. yeah you're missing the point." Otep started and looked at the bedpan and then at the nurse. "I have to use the BATHROOM... I'm not using that." she said. The nurse lifted a brow. "Stubborn are we?" she asked with a smile. "Slightly." Otep said rather sarcastically. "OK well let me go ask the doc." the nurse said as she walked out of the room. Otep looked at Jem. "Shit." she said an rubbed her temples. "I was a bitch, wasn't I?" she asked.

Jem held back a bit of a laugh. She was a little bitchy. But then again who wouldn't be after the day she had had. Everyone deserved to be a little bitchy after this kind of day. "May be..a little, but I think you earned the right to be a bit...bitchy."

Otep smiled a little at her. "Well if you say it's ok then..." she winked at her. The nurse walked into the room. "Ok... we're gonna do this." she said. "But you have to be extremely careful." she said. Otep smiled. "I'm always careful." she said, the statement dripping with sarcasm.

Jem just shook her head. That poor nurse. She felt bad for her. She stepped back out of the way so the nurse could get Otep out of the bed and over to the bathroom..safely.

Otep got out of the bed with ease... that's when the pain hit her. "Fuckin A." Otep hissed. "And this is why we don't want you getting out of the bed." the nurse said. Otep shot a look at the nurse. "Look. I have to pee and I'm NOT peeing in a little metal bowl." she said. She was losing her temper. Short fuse. Could be the drugs but Otep was banking on it was her sparkling personality... which happened to have a short fuse attached to it. "OK... I'm sorry." the nurse said. She unhooked all of the IVs and led Otep to the bathroon. "I can take it from here, you don't need to hold my hand..." she said. The nurse lifted a brow. "But.." she started. "Look. Unless you'd like to wipe for me... I'm good to do it alone." she said as she opened the door to the bathroom. She walked in and the nurse looked at Jem. "Is she always like this?" she asked. "So testy and... well... angry?" she asked.

"More..or less. Some days...she can actually be...pleasant. Today..just isn't one of her good days."

The nurse lifted a brow. "Ah." she said. "And you're her... friend? You can't be sisters..." the nurse chuckled a little.

"No...definitely not..sisters." she laughed and held her hand up. "Fiance..actually."

The nurse's eyes lit up at the ring. "Wow." she whispered. "Nice rock." she said. "So you're actually WITH her?" she asked. "How do you deal with the attitude?"

"Yeah..I'm WITH her." she laughed more. "You just learn...to look past it. It's...an exterior front. There's actually another person behind it..but she doesn't like people to know that."

The nurse laughed a little. "Ah the tough chick act." she said.

"Something like...that."

The nurse nodded. "Gotcha." she said and looked over as Otep came out of the bathroom wincing in pain as she held her shoulder and chest. "Fuck this shit." she muttered as she walked passed the nurse and to the bed again. "Any word on when I can leave? Be in my own bed?" she asked as she sat down on the hospital bed. The nurse looked to Jem.

"She's not going to let up until she gets an answer..and an answer she's goign to want to hear...good luck with that one."

The nurse kind of faltered and looked at Otep. "Today is an ideal answer but I know I'm not getting it so when am I getting out of here?" she asked trying to be a little more polite and patient with the poor lady that she seemed to be verbally torturing. "Well if all goes well you have tomorrow and then the next day you will be able to go if all the testing goes well." she said. Otep huffed a little. "So I'm stuck in here for another day... possibly two?" Otep asked. The nurse nodded. "Blows." Otep said.

That had gone better than Jem would have thought. She was proud of Otep. She was trying to be...nice.

The nurse hooked everything back up to Otep and then made sure she was dosed again with some pain medication. "Hell these things make me tired." Otep said. She had forgotten what drugs did -- especially pain meds -- it had been so long since she had quit all that... recreational drug use. "That's because they're working." the nurse said. Otep shot her another look but softened. The girl had no idea about Otep's history so she just nodded. "Yeah." she said as she looked to Jem and the nurse walked out. She smiled a little at her. "I'm being too hard on her... but I can't help it." she mustered before yawning.

Jemima rubbed her face a bit. "I know..you can't help it.." she sighed. She was so tired. It had been a long day. A long...stressful day.

Otep looked at Jem and smiled gently. "Come lay with me." she said rather childishly for Otep.

Jem didn't argue that. She was too tired physically and emotionally to argue over that one. She walked over to the bed, sitting down once more on the side.

Otep moved over and made room for her on the tiny but workable bed and invited her to lay down, moving all of the IVs and shit hanging from her now pale as ever arms.

Jemima lay down careful on her side next to Otep. She didn't know just how tired she was until now. She was purely exhausted and drained.

Otep cuddled with her love and closed her eyes gently. The rest of the world just fading away.

Jemima closed her eyes. Not sure how much sleep she would actually get, but she would try to get some rest. Even if just..a little.

Otep felt herself drift off into the depths of deep sleep where dreams and nightmares haunted her here and there. She heard the gunshots... she heard the screaming. She turned around and there she was looking at her very own fiancee holding a gun... a gunshot... shooting pain. Otep held her chest as it bled out. She awoke in a cold sweat. How long had she been sleeping? She looked around for a clock. 2 hours had passed. She looked to see Jem still sleeping sound. She felt her heart beating faster but there were no alarm's sounding... she couldn't help but feel relieved. She looked up in time to see a man near the door. A glimmer in his eye. He pulled out a gun and a shot rang out. Otep sat up in the bed, a gasp, a scream, and a quickly beating heart. The nurses came rushing in yet again. She was awake this time. Yes. She knew where she was though she was a little disoriented. "Miss Shamaya. Are you ok?" a nurse asked. "Yeah... just... another nightmare." Otep said. "Or... two?" she asked mainly herself. She remembered them both so vividly. But why was Jem the first shooter? What did that mean?

Jem had been..sleeping But nto the most restful sleep. It was like being that state between being awake and being asleep. She felt Otep move and then...all hell broke loose and she jumped. Nearly falling off the side of the bed. She sort of slid off and got on her feet. Standing there now. Rubing her face. What the hell was going on?

Otep felt herself calming down... her mind was racing. What the hell was that? She looked up at Jem, a sadness in her eyes. She needed help. Pronto. And if help meant putting those books Jem got her to use then so be it. There would be another album well on the way with everything going through Otep's mind right now. Was that a sign of betrayal or a sign of change? Could it have been that Jem stole her heart? If so... that was a damn gruesome way of putting it. "Thanks." she muttered inwardly at whomever controlled her dreams in dreamland.

Jem was still standing there. Not sure...what was going on now. She looked around. No one was speaking really. It must not have been all that bad. Right? She started to walk to teh bathroom to splash some cold water on her face.

The doctors and nurses were muttering to each other that these nightmares were not going to help Otep in her healing process. If she was unable to rest she would need to stay longer. How could she rest if she was having nightmares? "I'm not staying longer." Otep muttered. "I can sleep and have nightmares in my own fucking house." she said aloud. The doctors looked at her. "Miss Shamaya. We need to do tests. We need to know where these nightmares are coming from." one of them said. "I fucking know where they're coming from! I was fucking traumatized by a fucking shooting! You'd be having nightmares, too!" Otep said getting rather impatient with these people who seemed to know nothing. "I'm here to heal not here to be fucking monitored by the way I sleep." Otep growled.

Jemima locked herself in the bathroom for several minutes. She splashed her face with cold water and took in a few breaths. She had to be strong and composed when she went back out there. She reached for the door and turned the light off, walking back into Otep's room.

"You do not have to get hostile, Miss Shamaya." said one of the doctors. "I'm not getting hostile, bro... I'm just telling it like it is." Otep said impatiently. "I'm here to heal. The nightmares have nothing to do with healing." Otep told them. "Honestly. It could probably have a great deal to do with healing." the doctor said. "How do you figure?" Otep asked. "If you can't sleep right how do you expect to heal?" the doctor asked. "That's your job to figure out, compadre." Otep said tapping at her temples impatiently. "Look. You just need to see the in hospital shrink. Maybe he can figure out what's going on." the doctor said. "I'm not fucking crazy, sir, I'm traumatized. I'm sane, if that's what you're heading at." Otep said, her eyes flashing a bit of anger.

Jemima stayed back. Avoiding that confrontation. She did not want to be int eh middle of that one. She sighed a bit and leaned back against the wall.

"Miss Shamaya." the doctor started. "No." Otep said simply. "I refused to see a shrink. I know nothing is wrong with me. I have other ways of dealing with things. I'm fine. They are nightmares." Otep said lifting a brow. "Nightmares. Racing heart? Cold sweat?" the doctor asked. "Yes. Nightmares." Otep said, annoyed at this doctor's persistence. "Look. If I need a shrink I'm sure I can get the best. I'm not going to see a shrink. Especially not here." she said. "I'd rather just let it all out otherwise." she said. "Somewhere else. Whether it be in my books... or talking to my fiancee... but I refuse to see a shrink." Otep said. The nurse that was in here before looked at the doctor and shrugged. "She's stubborn always, according to her fiancee." the nurse motioned to Jem. The doctor looked to Jem and lifted a brow. "There's no way we can talk her into it?" the doc asked. Otep folded her arms, not without wincing. "Maybe another medication to help her sleep?" the nurse asked. "Oh yes that's the answer... drug up the fucking ex druggie... smart." Otep mumbled.

Jem shook her head. "No, I don't think you're going to have much luck talking her into this one....she's...not one to talk to just anyone about what she's feeling or thinking. She...perfers to use..more artistic outlets." Jem shrugged.

The doctors looked from Jem back to Otep not sure how to handle this one. They'd had stubborn patients before but none like Otep. "She's a different animal, ma'am..." one of the doctor's said. "And... that can be a good thing." he told her as he looked back at Otep. "There's more testing to be done to make sure the blood is reacting well and the drugs we give her for the pain are doing the job." the doctor said. "Fucking addiction is what you have to worry about." Otep mumbled.

Jem rested her head back against the wall. This was going to be an extremely long couple days.

The doctors heard Otep's comment but only barely and paid no mind to it. Normally patients didn't get addicted to the doses of pain killers they gave since they gave them in very low doses. Little did they know that Otep had a problem with addiction in the past and had to worry about even the smallest amount. This is another reason she was hesitent to take them for the slightest amount of pain. So she would sit there for hours in pain before admitting she needed it. That and she wanted to at least be coherent for Jem. The doctors looked to Otep. "How's the pain, ma'am?" one asked. "Painful." Otep said lifting a brow. "Sarcastic isn't she?" the doc asked Jem and looked back to Otep. "Irritable." Otep corrected him. "Ok. Do you need pain killers?" the doc asked her. "Does NO ONE listen to me!?" Otep asked rolling her eyes. "I'm a fucking addict!" she growled. "I cannot be fucking dosed with more and more pain killers!" she gritted her teeth.

Jem was going to keep her nose out of this battle. She didn't want Otep in pain, but she didn't want to put her in position where she could relapse either. So, she would just try and stay out of this one. Let Otep and doctor's fight it out.

The doctor's brow raised. "Addict?" he asked. "YES... a fucking addict. I was addicted to everything from cocaine to fucking heroine... pain killers were like fucking candy." Otep said. "I've been in and out of rehab and I DON'T want to go back. Therefore... don't fucking drug me up every time I wince at the pain." she said. "Otherwise I'm well overdue for a fucking relapse." Otep said rolling her eyes. "Just leave me alone." she said lowly. The doctors nodded and walked out of the room. Otep's eyes closed and she felt the need to just cry. What the hell was she going to do?

After everyone left the room Jemima walked back to the chair by Otep's bed and sat down. Until now she had never really thought about the possibility of Otep relapsing. But now the possiblity was more of a reality. Not that she thought she would...but in this kind of situation it would be easy to fall back into hold habits.

Otep let her head fall back away from her hands as she let the tears just fall. "I can't do this, Jem... I can't." she cried. "I can't." she repeated. "I'm so scared." she revealed finally, her strong shell just cracking like an egg hitting a house on mischief night.

"Yes...you can." she whispered. "You're already taking the first steps..by admitting your limits...and not..wanting to go beyond what you know you can handle.'

Otep ran a hand through platinum blonde hair and continued to cry. She was shaking. She hadn't had pain killers since the last time she was dosed and she felt the need for more. She couldn't stand the feeling of needing them. She looked to Jem. "I... I can feel it, Jem. I can feel it inside me." she whispered. "Like some little demon." she cried. "I just... I can't go back."

"You won't...go back." Now this was something Jem definitely did not knwo how to help Otep through. She did not know what to do or what to say.

Otep felt like a total mess. What the hell was going on? She looked to Jem. "I don't want anymore. I'll just fucking deal with the pain." she said. "I can't go back. I just... can't."

Jem nodded, "Ok..then..you won't take any more. That's your decision."

Otep nodded. "They need to know that... and understand it. I don't care how much I need it I refuse to take it." she said to Jem. "They fight me, YOU tell 'em." she said. "That's... just a way you can help." she whispered. She couldn't be alone in this and she knew it. She couldn't do it by herself.

"I don't know if they're going to be any more willing to listen to a 16 year old girl. May be this is something your Mom should be talking to the doctors about."

Otep nodded. "And trust me, she'll be told the same thing." she said looking at Jem.

"Yeah, but a Mom does have more say than...I would. So, she might be more helpful."

Otep nodded. "Yes this is true." said said. "But in case she's not here..." she said. She was in pure panic mode.

"I'm here...I don't think I can do much..but I'll try and do what I can."

That was all Otep needed. Was for people to try. Especially the people she cared about and who cared about her. "Thank you." she whispered. She felt like she just wanted to tuck herself away in a closet and no one could find her and things like this wouldn't happen... the drugs couldn't get to her then.

Jem slouched down in her chair. Resting her head back. She would try. She might fail miserably , but she would try.

Otep looked over at Jemima. "I hate that I'm putting you through this." She told her. "I... I think that it shouldn't be dumped on you." she said.

"Don't...worry about it." she whispered. "If it weren't me..who would it be?" One of her countless ex's? She kind of doubted that. They'd probably be encouraging her to go back into the whole drug world.

The ex's... yeah... they would definitely not be telling her no. Because if she had gone back to drugs she would go back to everything else, too. Her old self. She refused to do it all again. From the drugs to the girls. It was all just one big bad memory and she didn't want to relive it. "Oh god I just wish my past was a big nightmare and none of it really happened." she whispered closing her eyes.

"Well...you can't turn back time....the past is what it is...you can learn from it...and change things.....it doesn't have to define who you are now. Unless you let it."

Otep shook her head. "And I won't." she said quietly. She didn't know how else to say it. She was not about to let the past bite her in the ass. "This is fucked." she said looking at her.

"With that kind of attiude..." she sighed. "This is just one more hurdle for us to cross. Then we'll look back on it...and we'll see that it only made us stronger as people and as a couple."

Otep gave her a smile and motioned for her to come over to here. "Come here, baby." she half whispered.

Jem did as she requested. It wasn't easy saying "no" to Otep.

Otep smiled at her and ran the back of her hand gently across Jem's cheek, softly caressing it as she went to rest it on her cheek. "I am glad that we can push through things like this together." she said. "It's not always going to be easy... but fairytales didn't have their happy endings with something standing in the way." she told her.

Fairytales weren't always happy. They usually started out pretty crappy before you got to the happily ever after part. "Yeah...even fairytales had some bumps in the road."

Otep smiled and nodded. "Exactly." she said. "And here's just another bump." she said gently. "But we'll get through it... just... this one's a little harder for me than the others." she said. Her hands were shaking terribly and it wasn't because she was cold or crying.

"When we get through this , we'll know we can get through anything."

Otep smiled. She liked that word... when. There wasn't an 'if' in Jem's mind and she could see it in her eyes that she was determined to get through it. "We will." she smiled. She closed her eyes trying to concentrate on anything else but her shaking hands... soon it would be a little harder than just that.

Jem was going to be positive. She wasn't going to let the *what if'* or anything else take ahold of her thoughts. She couldn't let them. "Yeah..when.." she repeated.

The 'what if' in anything usually ruined it. She took Jem's hands in her shaking ones and kissed them gently. "You are... my angel." she told her.

"Angel?" she laughed. "I don't know about that. May be I'm just...too young to know any better." she teased lightly.

Otep shook her head and smiled. "Don't be so modest." she said to her. "You know you're my angel." she told her. "My everything." she reminded her.

"Me modest? Not sure I can remember the last time someone accused me of being that..." she laughed.

Otep laughed. "Try right now." she said and pushed a shakey hand through her own hair. "This is going to annoy me." she spoke of her shaking hands as she held them in front of her. Soon it would be her whole body... shivering like she was cold. She was so afraid of this but she knew it was coming. She would fight it no matter what.

Jem just sat there with her. She wasn't sure what else she could do. But just be there. So, that's what she did.

Otep looked at Jem and smiled at her. "Be prepared to see me in the worst of times." she said. "Are you scared?" she asked in like a horror movie kind of tone jokingly.

"Scared? Me..." she scoffed. "Nah, I don't scare that easily..." But truthfully she might have been a little scared.

Otep smiled at her. "Good... cuz I'm terrified." she told her truthfully as she looked down at her hands and then back up at Jem.

"You're doing fine...you'll be through this and it'll all be over, before you knwo it."

Otep nodded. "I hope you're right." she said with a gentleness in her tone. Sure she was a bitch ot everyone else but... Jem was her pride and joy. Jem kept her calm.

Well Jem was saying these things to keep herself calm as well. It was serving too purposes. "Have I ever lied to you before?"

Otep smiled and shook her head. "No... you haven't." she told her. "You're so good to me." she whispered. And she was the shitty one...

"Yeah...I am." she smirked. "Too good for your own good." she teased.

Otep laughed at that. "I don't deserve you, you know." she said gently.

"Yeah...I know.." she teased more. "I'm so out of your league."

Otep smiled at that. She knew she was teasing her but Otep was being completely and totally serious if not honest. She always thought Jem could do better than her ex druggie self.

"Hey...you're getting quite on me. Don't..do that. That means you're thinking. Probably about things you don't even need to be thinking about."

Otep looked at her. "You're like Otep Master or something... you know me so well." she told her and scrunched her nose playfully.

"It's...a gift." she shrugged. "What can I say..."

Otep smiled at that and nodded. "I suppose it is." she grinned. "I love that." she told her. "No matter what, you know me... I don't even have to be speaking. It's truly amazing." she told her.

"I don't know about amazing. It just comes from observattion. Pickig up on little cues here and there and putting them all together and figuring out waht they mean."

Otep smiled. "No one gets me like you do." she reminded her.

"They probably could if they took the time to get to know you. To watch for those little cues.." May be she was doing that whole modesty thing again.

"I don't think so." Otep told her. "I've been friends with Evil J for about... oh say most of my life and he still doesn't get me like you do." she told her.

"Whatever..." she muttered jokingly, rolling her eyes more.

Otep smiled at her getting quiet again. This time her mind not really going anywhere but memorizing Jem's every feature. She needed her more than ever and she was there for her. She admired that about her. She may be a 16 year old girl to everyone else but she was everything to her.

"I could use a spa day after sitting in these god awful hospital chairs.." she sighed offhandly. "You'd think they'd make them more comfortable...but no..I think they're made of bricks...padded with concrete."

Otep laughed at that. "You might be right." she told her. "If you'd wanna go just... take my card." she told her. "I mean it'll be two days before I'm out of here."

"Take yours? I can't do that. I can wait..."

Otep lifted a brow. "We could always go together." she said with a smile. Not sure the doc would go for that." she told her.

[otep2point0]

"Go together? Yeah...possibly. But I don't exacltly see it happening. Do you? Honestly?"

Otep smiled a little. "No... not really. Things might be bad there." she smiled. "I could always just take you.."

"Just take me?" she laughed. "How so?"

"Drive?" Otep asked. She was a stubborn person... she would not lay down for anything... pain or otherwise. Otep winced at that as another wave of pain came. "Fuck." she whispered.

"Yeah...I don't think you're going to be doing any driving in that condition." she sighed a little. Yeah, Otep was stubborn. Sometimes it was a good thing, other times..it could be..a downside to her.

Otep looked at her. "I'm fine."

"May be you are, but I still don't think you're doing do any driving. That's the end of that." she told her matter-of-factly. "No agruements." she smirked.

Otep smiled at her. "mm. It's sexy when you take charge."

Jem rolled her eyes. "Oh..please. Only you could be lying in a hospital bed in ICU after surgery and your mind still be in the gutter." she teased.

Otep laughed a little and nodded. "I suppose so." she said as she looked around the room. She winced at the pain again. She refused to take drugs. Refused.

"It's starting to get let. How about you try to get some rest. I'll be right here if you need anything."

Otep was afraid of that. The sleep... she didn't want to. The nightmares would come, again. "I don't want to." she whispered. She felt like a scared little girl at the moment. She couldn't help it.

Jemima knew she probably didn't want to skeep. If she was having nightmares as intense as hers seemed to be, she probably wouldn't want to sleep either. But she needed to rest. It would help her heal, which would help her get out of the hospital faster.

Otep looked at Jem. "I..." she shook her head. "I'm afraid to." she whispered.

Jemima took her hand. "I know...I would be too if I were experienceing what you are..did. But there dreams. Well..nightmares. But in either case. They can't hurt you. They're not...real."

Otep shook her head and looked at Jem. "Yeah... you see. I know they can't hurt me." she said. "Not physically." she huffed a little. "But..."

"But...they are scary...and distrubing. I know...but you need rest."

Otep took in a deep breath and let it out. She laid back a little. She wondered what in the hell was going on with her. She needed to sleep... dreamless. "I feel like in in Nightmare on Elm Street."

"Just...don't cut your eyelids off. Ok?" she frowned. "I'll be here....you're not alone. You're...safe."

Otep nodded. "Yeah." she said softly. "And that's why you're my angel." she whispered softly before nodding off.

Jem gave a small smile. She sat there until Otep was asleep. Before she got up. Not leaving, but she needed to move around.

Otep had drifted into a sleep that she dreaded would lead to the deep sleep that normally led to the nightmares. "Yeah... well don't forget your little people." Joe smiled. Otep smiled back. "Could never forget my friends." Otep said with a smile. *BANG!* Otep heard a gunshot and immediately went to cover her friends. *BANG!* and the pain. And the blood. The blurred faces and the muffled voices. Otep's eyes popped open. This time she wasn't sweating or... breathing heavy. Nor was her heart going a mile a minute. She looked for Jem.

Jem was there, standing by a window. Just staring out into the night sky and the darkness. She was exhausted. Her eye lids felt like they weighted a ton weighted with cement blocks or something.

Otep spotted her by the window. "Jem?" she asked into the darkness quietly.

Jem turned her head and looked back. "Yeah?" she said softly and with more tiredness in her voice than she had meant to show.

Otep frowned a little. "You shoul get some rest." she told her gently. "If you want to just call my mom... it's ok."

Jemima shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her upper arms. "No...it's ok. I said I would stay, and I'm going to stay. I'll be fine. Not like I haven't pulled an all nighter before."

Otep smiled at her gently. Worry etched across her face even though the darkness covered it.

Jem turned so that she was facing her now. She leaned back againt the wall. It helping her to stay on her feet.

"Babe..." she prodded. "Want to come lay down?"

Lay down? She would love too. But last time she tried that she nearly got jolted out of bed by one of Otep's nightmares. Nto that she was worried about falling out of bed. She was worried that she might..pull out Otep's IV's or something in the process. That wouldn't be...good. She walked over to the bed anway though.

Otep patted the bed next to where she was sitting in it now. "You need some sleep." she sighed.

Jem sat down kicking her shoes off and then she lay on her side next to Otep. One thing about a hospital bed, it forced you to be close.

Otep smiled at Jem and pulled her closer to her, careful of her IVs. "Sleep, Jemmy." she whispered.

Jem rested her head down and closed her eyes. It didn't take her exhausted body long to pull her off into sleep.

Otep watched her sleep for a moment before laying next to her. She was going to go clinically insane if she didn't get out of the bed at least by tomorrow. She wanted to be able to walk around. She closed her eyes gently.

Jem was down and out for the count. She did hope that Otep was eventually able to get some rest...free of any of nightmares.

Otep slept uneasy through the night. Haunted by the images of blurred faces and screams. These weren't half as bad as the other ones but... they still bothered her.

Jem slept, but when she woke with teh first rays of light coming in through the window, she felt like she hadn't slept at all. She sat up and stretched. Her body tense and sore. She had survived the shooting with no harm..she had missed it all, yet she still felt like she had been hit by a mac truck or something.

Otep had been awake for about an hour at this point and smiled looking at her. "Good morning, sunshine." she smiled.

Jem hadn't even realized Otep was awake. She looked at her trying to smile. "Morning..how you feeling?" she asked with a yawn.

Otep shrugged the "good" shoulder. She smiled crookedly. "Better than dirt... worse than shit." she smiled at her. "But I'll get through it."

"That's...good to hear." she rubbed her face a bit and ran her fingers through her hair.

Otep laughed a little. She knew Jem was barely awake to even sense what she meant by that. In all... she felt terrible. But she wouldn't really admit it.

She could use a shower, some make-up, fresh clothes to make her feel human again. But she didn't ahve those things, and this wasn't about her. It was about Otep. Getting her well enough to go home.

Otep looked at her lovely fiancee and smiled at her. "If you need to go get anything just... I'll be fine." she lied through her teeth.

"No, it can...wait." she sighed. "Don't lie...to me. I know that tone of voice...you're saying one thing to me..You're saying that to sound....like you don't care, that you think that's something i want to hear. But it's not what you're really thinking or feeling."

Otep sighed and shook her head. "No. I just don't like being a burden on you." Otep said truthfully.

"You're not being a burden..."

Otep's expression was sort of blank at that. "I don't believe you."

[otep2point0]

"Then...don't believe it. I don't have it in me right now to argue wtih you about it."

Otep frowned a little. "I'm not trying to argue with you, honey. I just. ugh... I don't even know. I feel like you're tied down here... because I'm here."

"Tied? No...Tired? Yes.." She pulled her hair up, wrapping it around and putting in a messy bun on top of her head.

"So you should sleep." Otep said. She clearly felt bad about Jem even being stuck here. "I'd rather be huggin a sleeping you than seeing a sleep-deprived you." she told her.

"Stop worrying about me. I'll be fine. It's no big deal...you're the one whose in need of rest and...getting well."

Otep tried to force a smile but it didn't really work. The pain was so intense it was driving her absolutely crazy. But she wouldn't do anything about it. She wondered if that as the stubborn in her or the fact that she was scared of the relapse. She'd only had a small one yesterday... she didn't want one today. At all. Small or big.

"Do they let you have breakfast up here?" Jem asked, trying to get the converation off onto anything else.

Otep nodded gently. "Yeah I don't know when though." she said with a shrug. She didn't even fill out a meal menu. She'd been out of it the whole time. The doctor knocked on the door. Otep looked over as he poked his head in. He'd been hoping she wasn't in a bad mood. "Morning." he smiled. Otep smiled gently and looked to Jem for any bit of calamity. "How are we feeling today?" he asked her. "On the edge of shit." she said. "Better than in the middle of it, no?" he asked trying to be funny.

Jem stood. "I'm going to run to the cafeteria. I'll be back soon. I just..need some coffee or something. May be I can get a nurse to hook me up to an IV of pure of caffine." She looked up as the doctor came in. She looked at Otep. "Be nice..remember he determines when you can leave how much longer you have to stay, and all that. So be nice...I'll be..right back." she looked at the doctor again. "Good luck...."

The doctor smiled nervously at Jem as she left. "How did you sleep?" he asked her sincerely. "Like a princess with a pea under her mattress." she told him. "That bad?" he asked. "Less servere than before." she told him. He nodded. "Ok... these IVs are good to come out, today." he told her. "If all is well, of course." he said. "I need to take a couple of blood samples to see if everything is in check with your blood and the new blood." he told her. Otep lifted a brow. "To determine whether you are good to go tomorrow or not." Tomorrow. Which was not today. But at least it wasn't a week from now.

Jem headed down to the cafeteria. Where she grabbed some food that she was too tired to eat and some coffee. Not her usual choice, but hoping it would just serve the purpose of waking her up. Giving her some...life. She sat a table sipping on it.

"You seem to be doing well without the.. pain medications." said the doctor. "Yeah I seem to be able to put on a good front." Otep said. "I'm sorry?" he asked. "Nothing." she said and looked up at him. "Stick me, doc. I wanna get outta here... or at least be mobile." she told him. The doctor nodded and took some blood samples from Otep and then ended up walking out of the room after a moment to give them to the labs to test. She seemed to be doing well... maybe she would be out tomorrow, after all. Otep sat back, grabbed a sketch pad that Jem had bought her and a pencil and sketched away. It ended up being Jem. The only thing she could ever think about let alone see in her head.

After she had had two cups of strong crappy hospital coffee Jem threw her trash away and headed back up to Otep's room in ICU. Surely, they'd let her move into a regular room soon if they weren't going to let her go home that is.

Otep was busily doing her sketching. Every detail of her beloved coming so easily to her as if she'd known her forever.

Jemima reached her room again. Just walking on in, no one saying a word to her. They had all either learned from previous experience yesterday or had been warned by the nursing staff on duty before them. She walked into the room and saw Otep up sketching. Well that had to be a good sign. Right?

Otep looked up as she heard Jem enter the room and smiled. She looked down at her sketch... so quickly as all the detail just escaped from her memory onto the page in front of her. "Hey... how was breakfast?" she asked.

Jem made a bit of a disgusted face. "If you call that food...then I guess it was ok. But...I don't consider that...food. " she frowned. "But..it was better than nothing." she shrugged. "So, what did the doctor say?"

Otep looked back up at her from her sketch pad. "He took some blood samples to see if the blood was reacting with mine well... he said the IVs could probably come out today." she smiled. "And I would most likely go home tomorrow."

That made Jem smile a bit. "Really? That's great news. See, I told you to be nice..and it's paying off." she smirked.

Otep laughed a little. "I didn't bite his head off, if that's what you're referring to." she laughed and looked at Jem. She then looked down at the sketch and continued what was left of it.

"That's...a pretty good start. I'm sure he appreciated leaving here with his head and other body parts still in tact."

Otep smiled at that and finally looked up from her page and turned it around in her lap to show Jem. "The only thing that every occupies my mind." she told her as she showed her the sketch.

"A little obessive are we?" she teased. "It's...great. Beautiful. Thank you....I 'm flattered you find...so much about me...worthy of being...immortalized in your art...but you got way too much talen to spend it all on works of me..."

Otep laughed and shook her head. "You're special to me... it's not a waste." she told her. "I draw tons of other things.. you deserve the attention." she told her.

"I didn't exactly say it was a waste...." she smirked. "But you are very talentd..you just shouldn't limit yourself to one thing si all I'm saying."

Otep shook her head and looked over as the nurse came in. "Are you ready for your breakfast, Miss Shamaya?" she asked. "Otep... my mother is Miss Shamaya." she smiled as she looked at Jem. She was attempting to be nicer. The nurse looked at Jem, a surprised look on her face then looked back to Otep. "I'll just have a bottle of water and a bagel... plain." she said. "Please." she finished. "No butter or anything?" the nurse asked. Otep shook her head. "No thank you." she said and watched the nurse walk off. Her insides were screaming at how nice she was being. She was like a caged animal but she knew they were trying to help her.

Jem shrugged. "She's working on getting out of here on good behavior...lessen her sentence." she smirked. She looked over at Otep. "She's not doing too bad for her."

The nurse smiled and nodded. "Ah gotcha." she laughed. "Do you need anything Jemima?" asked the nurse. Otep had flipped the page in the sketch book and started sketching LET ME FREE in her normal to her yet unique to everyone else Otep writing and then drew jail bars over it. She flipped it and held it up to the nurse and she laughed at that. "As soon as the doctor give the ok you're a free woman." she smiled and then turned back to Jem for her answer.

[otep2point0]

Jemima shook her head. 'No, I'm good thank you." she told the nurse. She bit her lip to hold back a laugh at the latest sketch that Otep had just shown the nurse.

The nurse just nodded and walked out of the room and Otep grinned at Jem. "What?"

"Nothing...I didn't say a word. Not one..word."

Otep smiled at her. "Uh huh but you know you wanted to."

"Oh really? You can read my mind now?"

Otep laughed and shook her head. "No I can read faces." Otep laughed again.

"Smart ass...." she sighed plopping down into that godawful uncomfortable chair again.

"You love itttt." Otep smiled as she looked out of the window. She hoped all was well with her tests but, Lord knew, when they would return with them.

Jem tucked her feet under herself in an attempt to make herself more comfortable. Waitingo n test results...that could take...an eternity.

Otep looked over at Jem and smiled her little crooked smile. "My mom must trust you." she told her.

Jem looked at her with a slightly cocked head. "Why is that exactly?" she asked. "What brings that up...now."

"Well I don't know... she hasn't been back here to check on me... she must trust you a lot to just put her daughter in your hands." she told her. Then she realized just how much pressure that really put on Jem. "But... you don't have to feel obligated to stay here... if that's how that made it sound."

Jemima shook her head. No, she didn't feel obligated to be here. She was here because thsi was where she wanted to be. Sure she wasn't thrilled about it. But who really did enjoy being in or visiting those in the hospital. "I don't feel obligated, I'm here...cause I want to be."

Otep smiled at that one. "And I'm glad you are. I don't want to make you feel like a caged animal. Cuz that's how I feel and I absolutely hate it." she said shaking her head. She looked back at Jem and into her eyes. "You know... your eyes tell me everything." she said gently.

She didn't see how they could be saying much of anything right now. She was so tired and so drained. she felt like the living dead. Just going through the motions of trying to be alive, alert, and awake. "They do? I doubt they're saying much today."

Otep smiled at her. "They are always speaking to me..." she told her. "It's like... you can be quiet... but your eyes will tell me everything."

"Yeah..ok. Prove it...what are they saying right now?"

She motioned for her to come over to her. "Come here." she whispered.

Jem pushed herself back up and out of that damned chair. She walked back over to the bed adn sat on the side of it.

Otep reached up and caressed her cheek. "They tell me you're tired." she whispered. "But they also tell me just how much you love me without you voicing it." she smiled.

"And that means the world to me."

OK, so may be she could read her pretty well. Saying she was tired was a bit of an understatement. "Yeah...I do love you quite a bit." she smirked.

Otep laughed at that. "Yeah I sure hope so." she smiled as she looked down. "Oh! I uh... I have something for you." she said.

"What?" Jem gave her a look. "You have seriously got to stop this....every time I turn around..you're telling me you got something for me..."

With a roll of her eyes she pulled out the little black box she'd bought the day she moved into her house when they went Ozzfest shopping... but she never gave it to her... but now was the chance. "It's not exactly new... just new to you." she told her.

"Uhh...ok..." Jem was still giving her this look. It was a mix of confusion and a few other things.

Otep gave her the little black box and smiled at her. "Just open it." she told her.

"All right, all right..." Jem held her hands up a bit in defense and then took the box from Otep. She opened it up and looked inside.

There lay the necklace Otep had bought for Jem while they were at the mall that one day. "Remember when I was talking to my friend Mikey?" she asked her with a smile. "This was why." she said.

Jem remembered that day, remembered the guy she was talking to inside the jewelry store. "I remember..." she said softly as she removed the necklace from the box. "It's very...beautiful. But you..don't have to keep buying me things like this..."

Otep smiled at that and shook her head. "If you think I'm trying to uy your love that's not what's going on." she told her. "I'm just spoiling you, is all." she smiled.

"I know...you're not trying to buy my affection...but Otep. This...isn't necessary. Sure, I like nice things and I love getitng gifts...but...at this rate...you're going to run out of things to buy me." she smirked. "Pace yourself.."

Otep laughed at that. "Modern day, babe... they churn out new things daily. I'm sure I'll be fine." she winked at her.

[otep2point0]

Otep turns just then to see the doctor coming back in with a chart. "It seems that your blood and the blood transfusion went well together... there are no complications." he said with a smile. "We can move you into a new room in recovery and you can leave tomorrow." he told her. "And the IVs?" Otep asked. "Gone." he smiled. Otep couldn't help but smile at that one.

Jem smiled as well. That was great news. Just great news. She knew that would make Otep happy. Anything that made Otep happy mad her day easier as well.

They finally got Otep situated in a new room, carrying her down to the room on a gurney anyway even though she could walk perfectly fine. He left the room and Otep looked up at Jem and smiled. "One more step, Jemmyyyy." she smiled.

Jem followed them down. She wondered if anyone had contacted Otep's mom and let her know that her daughter had been put into a new room. She walked in after Otep was in and settled.

Otep looked at her watch. "Now I just need to sit and wait." she said.