onions always make me cry, tags Jeff

[Zach Doyle]

Zach had spent the previous evening in the hospital getting various broken bones taken care of. His parents were livid that the monster that had injured their son was only getting a slap on the wrist for not only assault but attempted rape of the girl who Zach had gone to the rescue of. They were talking about suing the school at the very least filing a complaint with the state authorities. Because of the names Quenten had called Zach this could be considered a hate crime and after the shootings, Gould was not in good shape in that particular area.

Zach just wanted to forget it all, but he doubted that his parents would be understanding of his point of view, especially with all the doctor’s bills it was going to take to get him back to normal. This was going to bring up the whole question of his sexuality again and he was better able to take care of himself. But he dreaded all of it, the humiliation the physical assaults and the other crap he had gone through before even though he hadn’t ever said he was gay to anyone. What was worse was that the brunt of it had come from team members, people who were supposed to be his friends, people he had known since kindergarten. He could handle being thrown in the dumpster daily or even the name calling. It was the being beaten or worse by friends. Thinking about all this brought Jeff to mind and despite himself he couldn’t help it when tears began to leak from his blue eyes. He missed his ex-boyfriend. They had been best friends before lovers and it seemed Jeff had always been there. The hole was far worse than just losing a significant other. His mom called upstairs and asked him to run to the store for a bag of onions. He wasn’t sure why someone without a cast on their arm or taped up ribs couldn’t go, but there it was. He tried to do his part even when it didn’t make sense. He passed the mirror and grimaced at his taped over nose. It was going to resemble a squash even more than normal. Not that it mattered; he didn’t have anyone to look good for. Even Jeff hated him so he could look like a run way model and it wouldn’t matter.

Zach headed to the store and the produce section, hoping he wouldn’t run into anyone he knew. But there was no such luck. Grabbing a cart, Zach almost started crying again when right in front of him was Jeff, looking so cute that he just wanted to run into his arms. Instead he hung back and hoped that Jeff was thinking hard about something else and wouldn’t notice him.

[Jefferson Davis McIntosh]

Jeff stalked through the produce section, rejecting carrots and apples and other such healthy selections. He wasn't here for health food! Bah! He was here to renew his supply of Texas Pete! Unfortunately, he went to the grocery store as infrequently as possible and thus was thoroughly lost. Which aisle was hot sauce down, anyway?

"On second thought..." He mumbled to himself, throwing some carrots into his basket; carrots and hot sauce were a perfectly acceptable combination, and he needed something to put his Texas Pete on. Maybe he'd grab some oreos while he was out, as oreos and hot sauce was his favorite combination of any food substance ever. He whipped around, and found himself staring directly at the one person he had neither expected (nor wanted) to see -- Zach Doyle.

Jeff had been 11 when his family moved from Alabama to California, and one of the first people he'd met was Zachary Doyle. Zach was almost half a year older, but they were in the same grade and had a shared interest in sports and thus had immediately become fast friends. Unfortunately their friendship hadn't survived the transition to something more -- and the fall out when they'd broken up. Zach had remained unable to admit that he was gay, and his insistance that their relationship be secret, and that it was only an experiment and a phase, had worn on Jeff, who felt that experiments ought not be done at the expense of his emotions. So he'd broken things off and ceased having anything to do with the other boy.

They'd made eye contact, so he couldn't pretend he hadn't seen. Even a month earlier and he wouldn't have cared, would have turned tail and fled regardless. The fact that Zach had been his first real friend here in California made it that much more difficult to get over, but he was gradually feeling the sting less. He still didn't much trust Zach, not enough to make any overtures of renewed friendship, but at least he could talk to the other boy now without wanting to punch him in the face (or he didn't want to punch him too hard) -- although it looked like someone else had done that for him.

"Dude, what happened to you?" He asked by way of greeting. Not that his own face likely looked too much better, not after being attacked by volleyball that morning.

[Zach Doyle]

Quenten Ferris happened," Zach said with a half laugh. Quenten had been an ass coming out of the womb so he didn't need to explain further. The truth was that Quenten was one of the main reasons Zach hadn't ever considered coming out of the closet. Personally he thought Q was gay himself and used his gay hatred to get closer to the boys he would like to do himself.Zach just wanted to stay off his radar. "He was attacking Trixie Michaels and I woke up feeling braver than smart. "You're looking good Jeff. Varina give up on remodeling you?"Like Jeff, Zach wasn't attracted to the metrosexual look, he preferred men that looked like men.

[Jefferson Davis McIntosh]

Jeff had been thoroughly unhappy when Quentin was transferred over to Silver after attacking some teacher at Gould, and found it infinitely tragic that he now had to share space with the older student. Not that Quentin had ever bothered him, but that was most likely sheer luck rather than lack of interest on Quentin's part.

"Trixie, huh?" He mused. It was no secret that she was dating DJ MacArthur, and that her brother Jay most decidedly disapproved. They'd gotten into some very public altercations over Trixie. He wondered if Jay and DJ would overcome their differences long enough to take revenge on Quentin, but since Jay was supposed to be Quentin's friend that seemed unlikely. "I think you missed the boat with her, she's got a boyfriend already." He stated, figuring that Zach must have zoned in on her as the perfect beard.

"No. She's still obnoxious." He stated flatly, attempting to take a step back only to realize that there was still a shelf of fresh vegetables behind him. "Aren't you still in the closet or something?" He asked, annoyed that Zach would be dense enough to comment on his appearance. Superficially the comment was harmless enough, but coming from his ex it seemed far more sinister.

"Just make up your mind already. If you're coming out, then fuckin' do it, otherwise just leave me alone." That wasn't entirely fair, of course, seeing as he'd been the first to speak.

[Zach Doyle]

Zach winced slightly feeling as if he had been physically slapped. "No holding back eh?" Yeah I understand. And my closet is still firmly locked thank you. I know I should have been brave enough to face the crap that would have come my way, but I still have a hard time believing love would have won through if I lifted my pinky and verified all the accusations I have had leveled at me since we even knew what gay was. Believe me, every night I punish myself with regrets, but then the next morning I see them throwing Teddy in the dumpster and them trying to break Jandro Juarez's legs and I know I couldn't handle that without losing my mind.

[Jefferson Davis McIntosh]

"Great. Glad to know where you stand. Then fuck off." Jeff growled, straining to look over Zach's head at the signs hanging over the aisles partly to avoid looking at the other boy and partly so he could actually figure out which aisle was most likely to hold hot sauce. Oh, and oreos. Couldn't forget about the oreos.

He didn't particularly sympathize with Zach's dilemma. He had thus far avoided being knocked around for his preferences; the worst he had to deal with was his family's over-eagerness to accept his sexuality, although if Braedon's ignorance earlier was anything to go by not everyone was aware that he liked boys. It was true, of course, that boys like Jandro and Teddy got picked on frequently, but they were also unforgivably effeminate. And Russ Cloy got shoved into lockers sometimes, too, but he was also kind of a geek. Nobody harrassed, say, Jade Edwards and Jeremy Warner (that he knew of) and nobody bugged Mike Spruill. Of course, Mike was on the football team with him, so perhaps being part of the club that normally picked on people kept them safe. That still didn't explain Jade and Jeremy's immunity, though. Oh, and that Senior who hit on everyone, what was his name? Not Isaiah..Isaac! That was it. He was bi, and he hadn't had any problems. And he didn't think anyone'd given Brad a hard time, either.

So if Zach wanted to hide out of fear, Jeff was not going to be impressed. Although, now that he thought about it, that was better than his earlier assertion that he wasn't gay and their time spent together was merely the by-products of curiosity. "Wait, did you say love? Since when? What happened to experiments?"

It had been almost a year, but this was the first time Jeff had been able to hold anything resembling a conversation about their breakup. In the past anytime Zach had attempted to so much as approach him he'd run away, not wanting to face his former friend. And he certainly hadn't allowed Zach to explain post-break up. No, he'd simply said "I'm not a gay litmus test, I'm tired of being your experiment, this is over." (Only less eloquently and with more cussing.)

[Zach Doyle]

Zach simply shut down, it was like watching a robot go lifeless when you flipped the power switch. "You're not a gay litmus test and I was wrong to make you feel that way."Zach said his voice lowering a notch or two. "I am gay... I will at least say it to you and I love you and I have missed you very badly. I will not ask you to come back. I know that is too much to ask, but I want you to know I am sorry. If you want to beat the crap out of me, I understand it.I have learned that I can take more pain than I thought I could and you are worth it.

[Jefferson Davis McIntosh]

Jeff narrowed his eyes at Zach. Hearing that Zach really liked him but was too much of a wuss to admit it publicly was almost worse than Zach's previous statements that Jeff had been a convenient subject for experimentation. In fact, it made him wonder why he was standing here letting the other boy tell him these things.

"Sure. You expect me to believe any of that shit?" He snorted in disbelief. What purpose did this confession serve? It was a little late for patching things up -- and while Zach claimed not to be asking for reparation, that was the only reason Jeff could think of for rehashing this. Oh, wait, he'd helped bring it up. Why had he done that again? He'd not really thought his needling through before running off at the mouth.

There was nothing about this confrontation that made sticking around an appealing prospect. It was high time he left Zach to wallow in his stupid closeted lies. "Yeah, why would I want to beat you up again? In the produce aisle of the grocery store? Because you're a self-centered twat? I don't want to beat you up, I want you to leave me alone. And looks like Quentin did a good enough job of beating the shit out of you, didn't leave me much to finish."

He shrugged, "You may wanna lie to everyone, but I say fuck that shit." And he walked away to find his elusive Texas Pete.

(wrap?)

[Zach Doyle]

"Quenten left way too much of me," he said baldly and grabbed the needed onions before heading to the express aisle. For once he didn't even bother flirting with the overly friendly checkout girl. He headed home and practically threw the onions at his mother before heading upstairs to his computer. He went to the website called secrets which was a place where things were brought out into the open. He logged in and and wrote. 3/1/2008. OUT Zachary Doyle who ruined his own life through cowardice. He has loved Jefferson Davis since they were both kids, but again was too chicken to stand up to ridicule and harrassment. Life is officially over if someone would like to complete the job.

zd