Can't Change Anything At All (tags Dare)

[Phil Lim]

Phil slouched down beside Dare, thumbing through the menu in hand but not particularly noticing any of the items. He was supposed to be thinking about what to order, but for some reason his brain was not functioning properly. He'd been dealing with a tiny, niggling feeling in the back of his head, a feeling that said he should have tried harder to get Aimee to attend Church with him while she was still alive. He had always assumed that his baby sister would be around, and thus he had neglected his duty to rescue her soul -- even if he couldn't do anything about the shootings, he could have done something about that, and he hadn't. He was such a terrible brother! His poor sister was suffering eternal damnation right now and it was all his fault!! He hadn't told any of his friends just how guilty he was feeling about this, because he was sure he knew what they would say: It wasn't his fault, he was only feeling guilty about not being able to physically save her, her relationship with God was her business. But they didn't understand. Mew was Jewish, he was Chosen or something -- Phil hadn't worked out exactly how he thought Judaism worked in with his own theological leanings, but he had a vague hope that it counted, because he wanted all his friends to go to Heaven with him. In any event, his guilt over Aimee had driven him to ask Dare to dinner, because if he was going to try to make up for failing Aimee he needed to start somewhere, and he figured that the Junior was as good a place to start as any. After all, he'd been shot, what if he'd been killed, too?

"So," Phil began uneasily; he normally avoided proselytizing, so he wasn't entirely certain where to begin. He decided to just go with the direct approach. Well, semi-direct. Direct would have been You're not Christian, are you? Okay, see, we're friends, right, and I don't want my friends to go to Hell so please convert so I don't have to feel guilty about not doing anything when you die and are eternally damned like my whole family is going to be. That would have been both very direct and very honest, but somehow he couldn't see that going over very well, so instead he went with the next best thing, which was, "Hey, you don't happen to have Sundays free, do you? Maggy and I go to youth group, it's fun, you should come too. There's always a praise band," He offered. He personally was not a big fan of that particular youth group convention, but as Dare played guitar that sort of thing probably appealed to him, "Maybe if you bring your guitar you can join in."

"You boys ready to order?" The waitress tossed dark hair, glancing at the pair, pen at the ready.

Phil hastily glanced back down at the menu. "Oh, apologies, I've been too busy talking, just a moment, please." He admitted sheepishly to the woman, who nodded and made her way to her next table, who were in a hurry to pay.

[Dare Madison]

Dare had been almost as guilty as Philip about not looking at the menu, but his reason was he keep sneaking peeks at the boy he was here with. As hurt as he had been that Phil had essentially ignored him since he had been shot, he couldn't stop thinking about him. It was true he understood why Phil had been unapproachable, having your sister die was a horrible thing and it was bound to make anyone depressed. He just found Phil very attractive and he liked him too which made it very hard on him since he was convinced that his friend was very straight.

"Youth group?" he asked and immediately was interrupted by the waitress. "I could use a little more time as well." Dare smiled at Phil. "What do you do at a youth group?" His entire knowledge of church came from little bits and pieces gleaned from biographies of musicians who had been influenced by gospel music. His father was an atheist and he hadn't known his mother long enough to get a sense of what she believed. His beliefs were that you should be as nice as possible and try to help everyone and protect the earth. Probably the closest thing would have been Wiccan though he didn't believe in a God and a Goddess.

[Phil Lim]

Now that he had to actually explain what they did at youth group, he suddenly felt that perhaps his attempt at conversion was lacking; youth group was fun, but it was more like hanging out than it was worship. Still, maybe if Dare actually came to youth group he'd want to go to some of the youth events, which were both fun and inspirational, particularly the mission trips. "Generally it involves eating donuts and singing cheesy, repetitive songs," Phil explained, perhaps a bit more honestly than he should have if he actually wanted Dare to attend with him. "Then the youth leader gives what passes for a sermon, but they always try to make it relevent to teenagers by dumbing down whatever concept they're explaining."

He preferred 'real' Church in terms of both music and lesson, but there were some very good things about youth group. For instance, Maggy went with him. Also, fraternizing with other teens who shared their passion for the Lord, that was good, too. And if he were completely honest (which he wasn't), some of the other guys were not bad looking. "I usually go to the adult service after, but Maggy doesn't." He added, so as not to pressure the blonde into attending both if he didn't want to.

"You should come with us," He wheedled, "It's not that bad, truly, it's rather fun. I'll pick you up, even."

[Dare Madison]

Dare listened with a smile and nodded. "I was going to go to a cleanup of Cutter's park, but I can do that some other time. It's not like there won't be more trash there next week," he said thinking it was sad but true. No matter how much work some people put into it someone was always going to come behind them to mess it up again. Truthfully it was Phil picking him up that made all the difference. Dare realized that made him shallow, but he didn't really care at that point.

"Do I have to wear a suit?" Dare asked for he had thought church was one of those suit places, which is why he had never gone to any kind of services in the past. He didn't own a suit. His father thought they were the bourgeois attempt to torment and mold men into a pattern that denied creativity. At least that is what he said, Dare thought he just wasn't comfortable in them. The waitress came back and he just ordered Vegetable Lasagne and a salad rather than try to discover if they had any creative vegetarian choices.

"Oh and what time should I be ready?" Dare asked hoping he wouldn't have a bathroom conflict with his new tormentor, his half-sister. Once was more than enough for him on that battlefield. He hadn't told Phil about Syn, thinking it wouldn't be cool since Phil had lost Aimee and plus he was rather embarrassed to admit she was related to him. She would be starting school the next day and he only hoped she felt the same way about him.

[Phil Lim]

If Phil were the type to rub his hands gleefully, that was what he would have been doing the moment Dare agreed to go with him. Ha! He was succeeding already. Good. Now if only he had some idea how many people would make up for Aimee.

"We can go clean up the park after Church," He suggested. That was even something he could offer as an outing for the club, to show that they weren't only interested in ideals but were willing to perform actual good deeds. And if that was the sort of thing Dare was interested in, it shouldn't be too difficult to convince him to come to the other youth group events; nothing said youth group like traveling to Oakwood to help repair homes or volunteering to teach one of the free ESL classes offered through the Church. Phil and Dare may have had vastly different beliefs both politically and theologically, but a desire to help others was the one common thread between them.

"A suit?!" Phil goggled, "I'm afraid I'm the only person in the entire Church who wears a suit who isn't employed there," He admitted. "Khakis and polo shirts reign." There were also some who wore jeans and sneakers, but Phil would have died before going to Church in anything so disrespectful; there were some places one should always dress up, which included the museum and the theater and the office and Church. Church especially. He had attempted to attend one of the more casual, contemporary Churches once, and had been thoroughly uncomfortable the entire time.

Although he hadn't looked at the menu since sending the waitress away the first time he couldn't bring himself to ask her to give them yet more time, so he ordered a hamburger and was done with it. Uncreative, but at least he knew it would be good -- his sensitivity rather failed at that moment, as he didn't notice that Dare had ordered vegetarian. "Umm. It starts at 8, so I'll pick you up at 7:30?" He figured that would give them enough time should traffic end up terrible.

[Dare Madison]

Dare was surprised by how happy his saying yes had made Phil. He was glad such a little thing cheered him up. It would make shopping for khakis and polo shirts worthwhile. He had never owned such items in his life. Actually a suit was sounding more appealing. "It would be great if you wanted to help, but you don't have to. I try to do something like that each weekend. Plus Rufus enjoys it. He's my puppy. Dad got him for me while I was still on crutches," he babbled a bit, excited that Phil seemed to really want his company. He smiled cheerily at the waitress when she brought their drinks.

"Hey Phil... if its none of my business, just say so... but you're a really looking guy, I was kind of wondering why you don't date. You must have people that would be interested," he finally got up the nerve to ask. With all this church talk, Dare was beginning to wonder if the other boy wanted to become a priest or something.

Taking a sip of his coke he watched Phil in a not to obvious way he hoped. Dare was afraid of scaring Phil away. The one thing he worried about was that after meeting him, Phil's Christian friends would tell him to drop Dare. But Phil knew he was gay so he wouldn't take him to a hostile church or at least he hoped he wouldn't.

[Phil Lim]

Phil would have disagreed that attending Church was a little thing. It pleased him when his friends attended with him because he fully believed in Salvation, and wanted very much for everyone he cared for to share the joy with him. If there was one thing that made life worth-while, it was knowing that no matter what a terrible human being he might be (and he managed to convince himself he was pretty awful), God still loved him and he was Saved.

"No, no, it sounds splendid!" Phil responded quickly, "I will attempt to rally the troops and we can make a day of it." He mentally made a list of all the people he would invite: Magdalena Veloz and Bartholomew Fischer, there was no question there, and perhaps Mew's little sister would want to come...though that was unlikely, unless he could convince Tyler Durnham to come. Then again, Tyler was a club member, and he had a date with Maggy tonight, so maybe he would make an appearance. And of course, he would have to ask Melodee Riker, which possibly meant Judd Nixon...And of course he would have to ask Annie, she loved that sort of thing, and if Annie came then perhaps her friends Finlay and Delilah would come, too. "Hmmm. I suppose lunch first and then clean up, so I can inform people when to be there." He mused. "I think, if we include the two of us, I can wrangle up at least 11 people," He realized happily once he'd finished counting.

He was less pleased when Dare asked about dating. He felt his face flush, and suddenly his beverage was terribly, terribly fascinating. He wasn't entirely sure where Dare was going with this; what had the other boy figured out? Maybe since Dare was gay he'd noticed something. Drats, drats, drats! But maybe this was just idle chatter? He hoped that was all it was. "Just...just because people might be interested does not mean I have to date them." He stated vehemently in the direction of his drink. "There are other activities than dating to partake in. And none of my friends date, either," He added, then remembered that Magdalena was, in fact, going on a date with Tyler right at that moment, "With the sole and very recent exception of Ms. Veloz." He admitted, rather irritably as they had up until the last school dance been one another's shield.

[Dare Madison]

Dare was thrilled because Phil was thrilled. The list of people that might come and help clean up the park that was Dare's pet project astounded him. The only ones he knew were Mew and Maggy, but the more the better and he would like to get to know Phil's friends.

He could have bit off his tongue though after seeing how irritated Phil became at the mention of dating. Even his friend Maggy seemed to raise his ire by going out with someone. "I'm sorry I won't mention it again, but does that mean Christian's cannot date?" It made him wonder how they ever met their future spouses. He could understand premarital sex... but dating? He really wasn't sure he would fit in at this youth group thing.

Slumping down in his booth, he stared at his own drink as well. "I have never been on a date," he murmured wondering if that would make a difference or if he had already condemned himself just by asking. If they couldn't date girls, he knew there was no chance that same gender dating would be allowed.

[Phil Lim]

"What?" Phil actually glanced up at Dare at the question, going from annoyed to slightly amused, "No! That's not....that isn't what I meant." He scooted his elbows off the table as the waitress arrived with their food, feeling rather silly for leading Dare to think that dating was un-Christian. That hadn't been his intent.
"Dating is allowed, there is an abundance of dating within youth group, if that's of concern to you." He reassured the other boy, "There just isn't anyone I'm interested in dating," He clarified, quite untruthfully, but he didn't really feel like adding of the appropriate gender, because frankly he didn't want to go into that with Dare. Or anyone else, for that matter. It was safer to say he wasn't interested, and hope nobody asked too many questions. If they did ask questions, people usually assumed he liked Maggy. Of course, he generally ended up sabotaging himself by correcting anyone who vocalized this belief; he was more comfortable lying through omission than stating bald faced lies.

"Magdalena is on a date, and she hasn't been run out of Church yet. In fact, she's the one who convinced me to go," He explained, "And we've gone to all the homecomings together, if that counts." Which it probably didn't, since both of them had been quite clear it was only as friends, but that was yet another thing he didn't feel like clarifying. "Very few of the people there will admit to caring if you're gay." He added. He was in the minority opinion, actually. "You may find more of the adults care about that than the youth, though I have a difficult time imagining any of them being confrontational about it." Not any of the ones he was acquainted with, anyway; he would be shocked should any of them prove him wrong, but even he wasn't sure if he would be upset or pleased about it.

[Dare Madison]

Unfortunately Phil's explanation only made Dare more confused. So apparently it was only Phil who was anti-dating and there was an odd note to his voice when he said they wouldn't care if he was gay. He was beginning to think Phil might and he wasn't telling the truth when he said he accepted Dare's chosen lifestyle. This was the first time he had encountered this with someone he liked and it cut like a knife straight through to his heart. It took all the strength he had to just sit there. He had no proof Phil was anti-homosexual, just his intuition and he wouldn't judge Phil on such a flimsy thing.

Deciding he would talk to Mew as soon as he could, Dare tried to put aside his misgivings and just keep things light. "Oh I was talking to Taki and Evan at lunch yesterday and a bunch of people are going bowling on Saturday afternoon. Do you think you would like to come, Mew and Maggy could come too?